Posted by jay on August 29, 2002, at 4:04:15
In reply to my life as a f**k up :-) - dating as a way to fail, posted by Medusa on August 29, 2002, at 1:51:39
> > Well, I have some pretty darn BIG issues myself...so it could be a competition..lol!
> That's not too funny when you're living it ... guess I've never been through such a competition myself, just have seen it a few times, whew. "WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS" is bad enough screamed in a "normal" relationship ...
Well, after living with it so often in the past...I gotta find some humour in it. I went through some very dark times in relationships.
> > I had been going out with a gal for 2 months
> >before she told me she was on Paxil. That
> >actually brought us closer together.
> Cool that you were so accepting. Once a guy found out inadvertently that I was on Prozac (I'd forgotten to take it that day and it was lying on my bed) and he got really cold, because a former girlfriend of his had been on it, and he liked her better off it. Whatever. A few months later he apparently decided that he regretted ending the exploration and started calling me persistently ... he seemed surprised that I didn't jump at the chance.
Ya, well I had been on medication too at the time, and it was really a kinda special 'bonding' point. I am one of the least judgemental persons going, and I very rarely understand peoples knee-jerk coldness to other suffering.
> >"..before I got REALLY, REALLY ill" life.)
> Is -party party- recreational drugs? probably not the issues you need to relive through someone else.
Umm..not sure what you mean't..but a certain chain of events led up to my massive breakdown in 1997. (Before I was on meds for depression...but I seemed to be doing ok.) She became pregnant..and we had lost our child together. That's when it went *down down down*. I read that couples who lose a child don't stay together...and this was pure evidence.
> > I wish *women* would make the first move.
> But do you like the kind of women who do make first moves? The 'cute', socially adept ones generally don't. The gawky, tired-of-games types (like me) do make first moves, but do you want that? and are you really more comfortable reacting when women make first moves?
Well, regardless of the type...I am an average looking guy..not horrible to look at, so I've been told...and still never had a woman ask me out. And ya, I *am* very comfortable with a woman making the first moves. I still had past girlfriends ask me why I didn't make the "moves" sooner. Well...are there written rules I am supposed to follow? Phhtt..
> > See how cyncial and jaded I have become?..lol!
> it's those dating boards. I've been through too many of those. Met some cool people, one ended up marrying my then-roommate. I was a real first-move girl, but when I met now-DH, I saw pretty clearly that he valued the traditional, chivalric thing, and that he needed to be the one to make the first move. A really shy guy too. He does more housework than I do, but he values his image of himself as a macho and it seems it was good I respected that.
> What about telling women in general that a woman would have to pound you on the head with a clue-by-four to get you to realize she's interested? I've known a few guys who've made this known, and women have responded by being pretty direct, as in "hey. I think you're cute but I don't know how interested I actually am. Coffee and let's chat about it and find out?" It's up to you to ask them directly and get the cards on the table. But this won't work with the cute cheerleader types. So if that's what you want ... maybe look for a depressed cheerleader.
I am not looking for the "cute cheerleader types"..ugghhh..I want a w.o.m.a.n. with brains and a heart, not a "Colgate smile"!..ughh.
I will think and maybe try your approach..
Thanx for your input..:-)