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Re: Hi all » Greg A.

Posted by Ritch on August 15, 2002, at 23:01:20

In reply to Hi all, posted by Greg A. on August 15, 2002, at 17:46:07

> I have not posted for quite some time. I read some of the current threads but never feel I have anything much to contribute. Many of the names are new (to me) and that can be intimidating. I feel like I am butting in to someone’s conversation.
> At any rate, tomorrow, on August 16, 2002, I will be 50, yes count ‘em, fifty, ciquante, five zero years old. And I have to say, I am not looking forward to the last half (optimism) of my life. The first half had its ups and certainly its downs. Twenty years of depression – no not unremitting – but often enough. I thought once I accepted the diagnosis and worked at it, it would become a thing of the past. And while I have a better understanding of the disease and can control my responses to it a bit better, it still follows me.
> I am married (23 years) have 2 daughters (15 and 16), a career job with only 5 years until retirement on a pension. I own a house. I own a summer cabin, a boat. I have 2 cats. I am unhappy most of the time.
> I have been plagued the past number of months with the feeling that I do not have much to live for. I can reconcile that my daughters likely will not need me nearly as much in the future as they go their own way. I have done a good job with them, I think. My wife and I have grown apart. I have allowed this to happen by making no effort to be close. I attribute part of that to depression which can make it tough to work at a relationship and be close to anyone. I have lost most of my friends over the past ten years. I have not communicated there either and when we do get together, there is a good chance I will be morose and antisocial. What really bothers me is that the things I do for enjoyment like cycling, woodwork, reading, are not fun anymore either.
> I have started to drink way too much lately. Not enough to affect my work, but enough that my wife has demanded that I cut back, and in fact, threatened to leave if I do not. I have not. I changed meds in May after I hit a real low. I don’t believe I have gotten back to where I would like to be. But I am sick of changing meds.
> I look over my shoulder and wonder if the good parts of my life – getting married, having a career, raising children – are over. What is left? A deteriorating marriage, more depression. A life without enjoyment or purpose.
> That’s my confession for now. I used to read sar’s posts and talk to her once in awhile. I enjoyed her humour and her laugh at yourself attitude. She was not laughing on the inside, I know, but she made me feel better. I will always remember her for that.
>
> Thanks for listening.
>


Hi Greg,

It sounds like you are ready for some new creations (mental-physical-spiritual-animal-vegetable-mineral-rock-paper-scissors). It seems that no matter where anybody is in their life or what they have or haven't accomplished we are always poised ready for something new to happen. The hassle is to realize that new paths of thoughts and ideas are always right where you begin them (always easy to say, always tough to do).

Mitch


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poster:Ritch thread:28692
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020813/msgs/28721.html