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Just don't like people anymore...

Posted by libbyh on August 1, 2002, at 21:57:27

My third major depression seems to be mostly in remission with my daily meds: Ritalin SR, Wellbutrin SR, & Prozac. The one lingering, nagging problem is that I don't like people anymore.

I don't DISLIKE them and I'm not AFRAID of them. I relate to them well enough and can usually find something in common with anyone I talk to... It's just that my interactions remain consistently on a very superficial level... When I am thrust into a new group situation, on the surface, I seem to function just fine. At the end of the first couple of meetings, you might think I was popular because most people like me immediately. However, as time goes on and the other people in the group become more intimate with each other, my problem surfaces. It's not that I couldn't go further. Its' that I'm not motivated to go further. It simply isn't worth the trouble to get to know others beyond the most superficial level. It's not because I think I'm better or worse than them... It's that I feel-strongly- that friendship is more trouble than it's worth. Friends don't mean anything "good" to me anymore... only more demands on my time & energy...

I wasn't always this way... When this round of depression started, I had lots of close friends. Now there's only the slightest resemblance between that person and the hermit I've become.

I am bothered by my problem to some extent, obviously- or I wouldn't be writing this... But the thing that bothers me is that I "know" it isn't normal. There isn't any real desire to change, but I do have a morbid curiosity about why...

Is this too strange for ya'll to relate to?
Any ideas about what's going on? Will it ever change back? If I don't venture out into the world of friendships again, what are the long term consequences of that?





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