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Re: What I do for a living » BarbaraCat

Posted by allisonm on July 30, 2002, at 7:52:31

In reply to Re: What I do for a living » allisonm, posted by BarbaraCat on July 29, 2002, at 22:35:03

With me, it has to do with people not being there for me from an early age; I tend to put more of myself into what I do because I don't want to treat people the way I was treated; it takes too much energy for any human to do what I was/am doing; when I realize I am stressing out and can't do it I withdraw thinking I want nothing to do with other people, but then start yearning for human interaction and the whole thing starts again. This happens in personal relationships as well as at work.

Plus, I went through more than my share of corporate bullshit politics. I have never had it in me to compete ruthlessly on an uneven playing field, plus I am seeing now that when my efforts were not recognized in the way that I must have thought they should, I withdrew and started working for my own satisfaction. That was not a problem as my standards were higher than theirs. So I continued working hard and being bitter. I Worked in that place 10 years till I finally found another opportunity that was completely different than where I was with completely different work (working for my dad's business). That didn't work out, so I sought out work for which I was trained and got into the university. Same thing happened (plus there was enormous politics that ended up causing a number of others to leave too, so it was not just my dysfunctional situation). So I left there after 5 years and am back in school ffor 2. Don't know whether this makes sense. This is the first time I have written this out. I just got this revelation yesterday in session and have a lot more thinking to do. No doubt there are nuances that I am not yet aware of that my pdoc has on his list....


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