Posted by Reneb on June 30, 2002, at 21:28:39
In reply to Re: losing mom » Reneb, posted by tabitha on June 30, 2002, at 17:37:07
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> I'm so sorry about your mom. Mine died March 9, 1995. I was in a strong state of grief for 2 years, then it started to change. I'd go back into grief around the anniversary of her death, or when something reminded me of her. Now it comes and goes. I believe it's a lifelong process. This may sound odd, but now I almost welcome the sadness, since it means I'm still connected to her. I have a lot more love for her now than when she was alive, since our relationship was tense. I'm grateful for that.
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> About the dreams, she never really talks to me. Shortly after her death, I had a beautiful dream with me and her and her mother (who died a year before she did), where we were all dancing together. It was so precious! Lately she just appeared as her normal self in a couple of dreams, just "there" doing nothing special.
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> Losing her was the hardest thing I ever went through, but there were also blessings. Before she died I didn't really know how to grieve any type of loss, which contributed to my depressions. I was lucky to have a good therapist and one good friend to help me through it.
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> A cliche but true -- your mom will always live in your heart.
> -tabithaHi Tabitha, Thank you for your kind words. I was very close to my Mom. She gave me such a gift before she died. She turned to me one day and told me that I should never feel guilty because everytime I needed you...you were there. I carry that with me all the time. I just wish I could really cry. Sometimes I will tear up and a few tears fall and then I stop?? It's like if I give in to it then I have to let her go. I know she is gone and I know she is happy. I have all these emotions and don't know what to do with them. My family struggled with her sickness for almost 2 years. I knew it was going to happen, but that doesn't make it any easier. You are right about the pain. I tell everyone the only thing that would be more painful is if something happened to my daughter. Then you would have to put me away....there's no way I could handle that.
Thanks for listening,
Renee
poster:Reneb
thread:25610
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020629/msgs/25930.html