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Losing my niece or nephew ... very sad.

Posted by waterlily on June 21, 2002, at 16:32:39

My 35 year old married sister just found out she's 6 months pregnant and she is devestated. She's never wanted children and even says she's had 'nightmares' about being pregnant. She says she feels nothing for this baby and wishes she was dead. She also said that every cell of her body does not want the baby. If it wasn't so late in the pregnancy she'd have it aborted. Her husband feels the same and he had a vasectomy two years ago. She plans on putting the baby up for adoption. I'm the only family member she's told because she wants to keep it a secret. I'm having such a hard time giving her my full support while she is talking about how much she hates this pregnancy. It seems so harsh to me that she has absolutely no feelings for a baby that's moving around inside her but at the same time I do understand that parenthood is a job she's never wanted. It is trying for even the best of us. However I want to see the baby at the very least and ideally be able to visit every now and then. I feel like she's giving away part of our family. If I am not able to have any sort of contact, even with the adoption agency or adoptive parents, it will feel like a huge loss for me. I am 33, married 13 years, and have two daughters ages 10 and 7. I would offer to take the baby, but I'm not sure I'm up to it and my husband say he doesn't want to start from scratch again. I feel kind of selfish wanting to know the baby when my sister wants nothing to do with it.

I have talked to her at length and told her she's doing the best thing for the baby, that she is not a bad person for not wanting to be a mother, and that this baby will not hate her for the rest of its life. I praised her for her efforts to ensure the baby's health now that she knows about it. When she said that she wished whe was dead I talked to her until I felt confident that she feeling a little better. I encouraged her to talk to a counselor or therapist and asked her if she wanted me to come visit her this weekend. She gratefully accepted the offer.

I would appreciate any kind words or thoughts anyone has on this situation.


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poster:waterlily thread:25557
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020616/msgs/25557.html