Posted by automatedlady on June 16, 2002, at 7:02:40
In reply to Re: Obsessive thoughts - wasting my life » automatedlady, posted by omega man on June 16, 2002, at 0:33:48
Thank you for taking the time to do a big reply! You are totally right about most of the pressure on me being pressure I put on myself, but I think that's a lot to do with zero self-esteem. I don't think I'm okay just as I am, I have to be super thin, gorgeous, outgoing, successful, popular to be just good enough.. Which basically goes back to experiences at school (not only is this country's health service sh*t, but SO IS THE EDUCATION SYSTEM!!! ;-) ) But seriously, I'm not sitting here blaming everyone except myself. I am, as I have been told many times, my own worst enemy. I think that it IS about changing the way I see the world, but until I get my brain chemicals into a certain balance I haven't a chance of doing that..
I had this big realisation yesterday that when I'm really unhappy it's always exactly the same as the time before, but happiness is always different. So if I do ever find happiness again, it's not going to be like last time I was happy, it's going to be different, and I have to look for it in whatever form it comes. Don't know if that made sense.. anyway.
By the way, can you explain a bit more about that "crystallisation of the hierarchy" thing...?
AL
poster:automatedlady
thread:25008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020616/msgs/25395.html