Posted by Emme on April 1, 2002, at 11:54:11
In reply to Do you live ALONE w/ your illness or what? « ST, posted by Dr. Bob on March 31, 2002, at 10:49:59
Yeah, I live alone, with minimal support system. Dad is nonjudgmental and tries to be supportive but is awkward with it and I think he's scared of it. Mom's a walking anxiety disorder who's 1000000% adamantly opposed to psychotropic drugs. So I have never told her a thing and do my best to put on a false face around her. Many of my friends are sympathetic - many have had mood problems themselves. Thing is, I need someone checking in on me via phone or e-mail with quasi regularity, and many friends don't realize that. They're busy, like everyone else, and live in various parts of the country. A couple of good friends and a terrific therapist are my best supports. I used to have a busy social calendar, but after I moved to a new city, I haven't had the energy/will to make as many new friends as I would like.
At its worst, the depression is such a private sort of hell, and I don't want to burden my friends too much, so sometimes I just don't even know what to do with myself to stop the intense pain. Thank god Lamictal is helping me, but that doesn't mean I don't have some bad days/nights. Doing it all on my own is tough. I am terrified that at some point I won't be able to work and support myself, that I won't ever be lively enough long enough to date and marry. All kinds of fears that I never had before this dang mood disorder got bad.
Thanks, all, for letting me whine. I was up till 4 last night and I'm a little sleep deprived.
Emme
poster:Emme
thread:21216
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020325/msgs/21265.html