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Re: thank you - bit more to follow

Posted by Emily E on February 12, 2002, at 3:09:54

In reply to Re: thank you - bit more to follow » Emily E, posted by IsoM on February 11, 2002, at 15:00:39

> Don't know how we did it, Emily, but very glad to hear we've been of benefit. All the more so when some have said the forums have become a little disruptive & want no part of it now. I'll look forward to your follow-up. :-)

Wow and jeez. I am so amazed. I am sitting here looking at your words and can't believe that someone actually listened. You are good people.
Reading your words again and feeling a flicker of light and a good kind of sigh. That is 'sigh' - not 'sign'. Something that comes from deep within.
I will try to be brief. I am trying to sit tight.
White-knuckling it, so to speak.
I could type a million words right now. I suspect
I'm in some kind of manic phase. Very hard. Don't ever judge someone by their outward appearance. You never know what is going on with them. Phew.
As I said, very hard. Trying to keep it all within the boundaries.
Briefly. Alcoholic. Three treatments 15 years ago. Rehab, rehab and 9 month half way house. AA inside, outside and upside down. 10 meetings a week. Always felt there was something wrong. Something neve quite clicked.
Episodes during sobriety. Like wrong frames in a movie or odd chapters in a book. 'Phases' we call them. Husband - too tolerant all these years. Major effect on family. I have 4 children. We do not mention the episodes.
I'm off on tangents here. Focus.
Past three years I have been self medicating with alchohol. Two months, four months, almost a year of sobriety within that time frame of sobriety.
There is something wrong.
I am not better when I am sober.
It's horrible and exhausting. I am 48, I keep saying I am 50. I feel like am 90. I think I signed up for a 4 life stint this time around.
Cut to the chase. I have a million tangents in my mind.
Waiting for appointment. Major, very major to reach out and use the word 'mental'. Afraid of phone and afraid of driving.
April 4th is the day. 52 days.
My husband took Thursday off from work and spent all day on the phone. 30 calls I think.
I tried my brother, I tried the phone myself.
Major slaps on the hand.
This board is good.



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poster:Emily E thread:18100
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020202/msgs/18117.html