Posted by sar on January 26, 2002, at 13:07:50
In reply to Dear Sar........., posted by Kristi on January 24, 2002, at 21:15:14
hi! how are you?
thanks for your kind thoughts & words, they mean alot to me. i'm awright now, i think. i never know. i've never been all right, really--i'm still trying to jump on that path to Becoming All Right. i've scarcely got a foothold!
i've been to an extremely weird place, the cold state hospital, but it wasn't hell; it was terrible but interesting--the majority of my unit was paranoid schizophrenics, and they cottoned to me, they trusted me, told me their stories. i feel more human somehow...
everyone there pegged me as "happy-go-lucky," they could not fathom why i'd tried to off myself, and i offered no true explanation: i wanted only to be released. i laugh alot, i put on a wonderful facade, i seem normal! i did not let the pdocs to get to the core of my being, and because it was a state hospital, they were too rushed and hurried to even bother trying.
my boyfirend is here in austin, i'm wondering where you got cali from! i was born there, but my boy has been in texas for years. he takes good care of me; i am in love, and the day after i got out of the hospital he took me to a fancy restaurant and told me that her likes me better off meds, that this is the Sar he knows better--which baffled me, because i am going through med withdrawal and at the height of strange anxiety--my hands and legs all tremble, and i want to be on prozac and klonopin again.
and how are you, sweet baby? i'm at the library and internet time is limited to 30 mins, otherwise i'd dig through PSB and read up on you; however, these meanie librarians are curbing my internet addiction by proxy. it is their job.
please keep me updated: i miss you!