Posted by ELA on January 15, 2002, at 9:24:48
Oh my god, when will all this come to an end?
Returning to university was a good idea I thought at just throwing myself back to "normal" life might help me get over my depression and learn to cope with the severity of my original problem (blood clots in lungs). How wrong I have been.
On the first night I had a complete panic attack and ended up drinking myself to sleep to escape all the people around me and being back in the room where I was first taken in. There is nothing I can do about that, I have to live here. I have spoken to various members of staff and know that I have lots of support wherever and whenever I need it but I'm still nervous, worried and sinking further into depression. WHY?
If someone could give me a simple answer it would all be ok. I just feel so STUPID as there's probably no real reason for me being so down and because I don't know why I feel that I can't go and talk to anyone "professional" because I wouldn't know what to say to them or where to start.
Everything was perfectly fine until November when I got the clots and in 2 months my life has changed completely and I no longer have control. Wverything is being determined by my health and hpw good or not I feel each day.
I'm so fed up with it all.