Posted by Bekka H. on January 10, 2002, at 0:32:01
In reply to Re: taking a break from your therapist?, posted by Cecilia on January 9, 2002, at 23:59:40
> Believe me, Lini, you are definitely not alone with the money and best patient issues. I know therapists have to earn a living like everyone else, but it still feels like paying someone to care or pretend to. And on our last session my ex-therapist made it clear that she would indeed rather eat mud than sit through a session with me, her exact words were "I dread these sessions, it`s the hardest work I do all week." I paid forty thousand dollars over 7 years to be hurt like that. For 7 years, therapy was basically my life, I arranged my work schedule around it, paid about a quarter of my take home pay on it, obsessed continually about what I would say or had said in therapy, how I could get the little jewels of reward I lived for (namely, getting my therapist to say something, howerver minor, about herself) worried continually about what my therapist was thinking about me, whether she was going to abandon me etc. And it was all fake and all came to a crashing halt in one session.
*************************************************Thank you for that post. It was difficult to read, but so true. When I read Lini's line about wanting to be the best patient, it brought back so many memories -- bad memories -- and my gut reaction was to say, "Get a life." And now I'm saying that, but I don't mean it the way it sounds. What I'm trying to say is that, therapy can be very helpful. You can learn a lot about yourself, why you do what you do, etc. and you can learn how to deal with others; however, don't make it your life. I did that, too. That's what a lot of therapists want you to do. After all, they have down payments on their country homes, and their long vacations and their childrens' college tuitions. But what about YOU and YOUR LIFE? In addition to the financial conflict of interest, don't think many therapists don't "get off on" having their patients idolize them, flatter them, etc. That feeds into the therapists' narcissistic personalities.
Lini, do you have brothers and sisters? Some therapists would probably interpret this desire to be the best patient as your repeating a pattern of competition you had in your childhood between you and your siblings. We all want to be loved, and most of us want to be loved the most and to be considered "the best" no matter what we do. I went through that with my therapist and, you know what? It doesn't matter. Look ahead ten years and decide where you want to be. In ten years do you want to look back and see yourself as your therapist's best patient? Do you really want that to be your crowning achievement? Or, do you want to be the best at something else? I don't know what your profession is, but I'd rather be the best in my career. Don't make therapy your career. You will regret it. You will be depleted financially, and you will have nothing to show for it. If you return to therapy, USE IT. Get as much out of it as you can, but the purpose of it is NOT to make therapy your life; rather, it is to teach you how to live a better, more productive life.
poster:Bekka H.
thread:16539
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020102/msgs/16583.html