Psycho-Babble Social | for general support | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Re: Things will get better. » Dinah

Posted by nightlight on December 15, 2001, at 0:27:48

In reply to Things will get better., posted by Dinah on December 14, 2001, at 11:08:52

> You've shown you can live through the bad episodes.
>
> I hate those expressions. I think they should read:
>
> Things will get better, then they will get bad again, then they will get better, then they will get bad again, then they will get better, ad infinitum.
>
> You've shown that you can live through an agitated depression, so now you know you can live through the next fifty agitated depressions. Whoopee.
>
> I hate to sound pessimistic, but those thoughts don't fill me with great joy, or even cautious optimism.

Dinah~
Your summing up is surely more accurate(& incisely ironic) when referring to most of us 'lifers'. I think some patients do find the right doc, correct meds and have almost as bright a future as the 'norms' out there. But, it takes a vigilance I have often been empty of.

Spiritual & emotional illness and the crushing despair they bring about, can spring from a multitude of sources. Physical illness, learning disabilities, remote family, disingenuous relationships/partners, failure to find evidence of a god that loves us, no luck in making a 'career' for oneself, poverty, etc.

A lot of those people consider 'snuffing it', too, I bet. I guess I'm somewhat heartened & inspired (be it ever so brief) when I consider the devastating obstacles so many people, who are not mentally ill, face and deal with-it gives me hope. I don't think of myself as a strong person, yet. I've only just found some 'help' that might actually make my life/interior (mental) existance more normal& more predictable. Then the people I love might be able to really depend on me, for once, w/o expecting me to beg off, bow out, or go into a comatose state of total isolationism whenever they least expect it
. I have a husband, siblings I love, their kids, 2 of whom I adore, and, I see in those 2 kids many signs of the psychological horrors that have plagued me since adolescence. They can get help NOW, and avoid some of my personal pitfalls, if I can get/stay well enuf to maintain contact ww/them.
Plus, I have a 5-yr. old girl, my 40th b'day surprise. I have only made it to my ripe age of 45, b/c I kept my life radically simple & as bereft of personal responsibilities as I could, that is, until my parents aged, b/c ill,and so on. I cared for them, plus my child arrived, and the multiple stressors piled up, up and up. My parents died within 14 months of one another. My mom last April, after battling cancer and then Alzheimer's for sev'l yrs. I then fell so far into the PIT , I thought, gee, maybe, I'll just lie here on this sofa until they carry me out feet first, I couldn't eat, had chronic pain, felt total lack of joy or interest in anything, except, to some degree, my daughter's affection towards me.
But,
after 3-4 months, I got a little better, I happened upon 2 great docs, and now, I am "cautiously" optimistic about my future, my darlin' baby's future & my -possibly- actually being able to participate in my life, which is very blessed in most all ways except for the *mental* crap.
BUT... there are SO many reparations to be executed in order to rescue me from a marriage that has suffered, my -still- low libido, very restricted energy, steep debts and the gen'l welfare of my child, who has witnessed the 'real'(depressed/angry, sorrowful) me more than anyone else. But, she adores me,and I her. We are very close, and she seems to accept the paths of my moods/illness better than anybody. She *knows* (believes) I will always 'get better'
(at least enuf for me to maintain my deep affection for her & participate enuf in her life, so that she can believe I'm well). She knows, that I will, daily, need my quiet time for at least an hour, maybe 2, and she gives it to me. Hard for me to believe how much consideration she often affords me. We are almost constantly together, unless she's in school, she has no neighborhood playmates, b/c I have either been nursing my mom or too ill and socially phobic to walk thru my street w/her and help her establish friendships w/the other kids. I've often not been able to leave the house, much less join in with the 'soccer moms' so that my little one wd. have more social outlets. For that, I feel deep guilt.
But she is smart and happy (I bet cd. be a lot happier) and I am praying I can find/stay in remission for at least most of her school yrs. That's asking SO much, I know, considering my past history & slow, consistent worsening of symptoms over the yrs. I've been very treatment resistant, but I now think we finally have found a clearer (much) diagnosis, so I can get the most effective treatment for -me-.

So, I do see a glimmer of hope and I am very cautiously clinging to it, one day at a time.

I have read the boards, fairly steadily, for yrs., but was too depressed/ennervated to post much. Can u tell me at what age ur dep/disorder began, and if you have ever found any sustained (for even a few months) relief? I wd. be very interested.

With empathy & hope~
nightlight



Share
Tweet  

Thread

 

Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post


[15577]

Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.

 

Start a new thread

 
Google
dr-bob.org www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for
in

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Social | Framed

poster:nightlight thread:15537
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011207/msgs/15577.html