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Re: escape from the mental hospital » mist

Posted by adamie on October 21, 2001, at 13:58:07

In reply to Re: escape from the mental hospital, posted by mist on October 21, 2001, at 0:28:49

> adamie,
> What an experience. I hope you're feeling better.
> -mist
>
>
> > well not really but lets just say I wasn't far from doing such a thing this wednesday. So here is my little story.
> >
> > Recently I have been staying at a hospital for 1 month. The mental ward section. On this floor there would be daily classes for the depressed in-patients and out-patients. These classes would 'teach' people how to be less depressed. Rediculous of course. But since I was staying there due to severe clinical depression caused by accutane I attended the classes anyway just to pass the time. Such classes would only help people who are situationally depressed. Such as being sad because you have a bad life. But not patients who have clinical depression which they cannot control. Such is the case with me.
> >
> > This hospital has decent food but generally it is extremely boring around here. Nothing to do.
> >
> > My phychiatrist Dr. Zelina I felt was a very decent doctor. That is until recently. I was on Zyprexa and ended ECT treatments. I felt there was little if any improvement in my depression when compared to being off meds. So the doctor wanted to try something else. Which was Celexa. Now before the Celexa I was feeling not too bad. The depression was still there. Very significant depression but at least I was able to enjoy things enough and no mind torture. Mind torture would be when my depression was extremely severe. It would be painful to be alive. This happened progressively while I was started on Celexa. At first it was not too bad. Then it got worse and worse and worse. And also the doctor was increasing the dose. 20 to 30 to 40mg of celexa. By the end (1 week period) I felt like I couldn't stand it anymore. So I convinced the doctor to stop the celexa. Just like many AD's before it made my depression much worse. He weened me off instead of stopping it right away. So I had to endure extra hell for the next few days. He then added Risperdal and anafranil to my medication. The Anafranil I am not sure about but I sure as heck didn't want to try it. I had to recover first from the celexa. He would't listen. Anyway by this Tuesday my depression was extremely severe. This was while still being on Celexa (weening off). It turned to the point of not just being unable to enjoy things and participate in life but it was added mind torture. By Wednesday I felt my worst yet in an extremely long time. I will try to remember how it was since my concentration and memory is quite horrible. I felt so completely horrible and unlivable that I felt like escaping the hospital in order to save my life. I felt suicidal. I couldn't keep on taking the damn meds which the pdoc was keeping me on. the AD's were making me worse and worse just as they have in the past. I called my mom and told her how I felt and that I wanted to escape from the hospital because there I was forced to take my meds. She called the nursing station and told them about this. I then got into an arguement with an arrogant male nurse. He previously had told me how in order for me to feel better I need to attend my classes. I was feeling to horrible to attend the stupid classes. And they hadn't helped me at all. But aside from that he now asked me if it was true that I wanted to escape from the hospital and if I felt suicidal. I said yes among other things. So they took away my clothes and made me a high risk patient who was only allowed to wear pajamas. Then they took me to another hospital where suicidal patients stayed. Before this though I was given my first new dose of zyprexa since the doctor changed the risperdal to zyprexa and also this was the last day taking my celexa dose.
> >
> > By the time I reached the other hospital I was very drowsy and so I just stayed in bed and slept. I was feeling a bit better than the constant mind torture phase I was going through. The sedation helped. The next day I was doing a bit better. I was actually able to participate in the daily program and eat my food. This was yesterday. The day before was such complete hell. I couldn't even function in a basic manner. So on thursday I talked with a new pdoc at the new hospital and I convinced her to put me on just the zyprexa. This was the second day I have slept well. I forgot to mention it but the last 10 days I barely slept at all due to a ringing in my ear and also heart pounding and sides of head burning. Burning due to the bad meds. She asked if I was suicidal among other questions. I told her I just felt suicidal but wouldn't actually do anything and that I was doing significantly better than wednesday. The next day they sent me back to the old hospital since I wasn't a high risk patient anymore. And today I got discharged. So now I am hoping to recover from the celexa incident. The days before have been so hard to stand. But I will get better.
> >
> > Well thanks for reading my little story. I had to rush the second half because I am getting sleepy from my med. bye bye

I am doing better now. Huge depression left but at least no mind torture. Just huge boredom and inability to enjoy things. I just try to keep passing the time. All I can do is wait until I get better. It is livable like this. Which is a huge relief! I am on zyprexa since wednesday and also my second day of adrafinil. hopefully i will be back to my able to slightly enjoy things phase. Once during my depression I actually bought a computer game. I was actually feeling well enough to be able to enjoy something. I wish I was back to that level of moderate depression. Hopefully soon I will be. Also I will try 5-htp soon. I think it helped me a bit before. not sure though.


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poster:adamie thread:12728
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011015/msgs/12799.html