Posted by Anna Laura on October 19, 2001, at 11:08:50
In reply to Precipitating suicide?, posted by Jane D on October 19, 2001, at 1:21:36
> The following was posted by Gracie on PB about what actually pushes people to commit suicide. It was originally just an aside in a post on another topic but I'd like to continue it and figured I might as well start if off here instead of being "invited" to move later.
>
> Quote:
> "Many people on the edge of suicide hang from this earth from a filament, a mere spiderweb, and the most inconsequential action can make them decide whether to go or to stay - a hurtful remark, or a child's cough from the bedroom down the hallway."
>
> If you want to see the context it came from http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20011015/msgs/81573.html
>
> I have read (but don't remember where) that impulsiveness was a key factor in suicide attempts. That certainly seems to fit in with the description above but I'm really curious about whether this was the experience of most people here. Mine was completely different and now I'm wondering if I was just odd. This was a long time ago but as I recall when the temptation became almost irresistable I was completely oblivious to the outside world. It came on gradually so that as the urge to die became stronger I was also becoming more and more disconnected from everyone and everything. Hurtful remarks had no impact on me at all because I already absolutely believed all the worst things you could say about me were true. Good things couldn't help because I was absolutely convinced all the worst things were true. When I thought at all it was a repeating, muddled tape of how hopelessly awful everything was that didn't leave room for any other imput or, fortunately, for competent planning. .
>
> Just wondering what it was that has kept me and the rest of us here.
>
> JaneHi guys,
First of all,
I realize my english it's going to sound too scholarly since i'm posting from oversea and my mother tongue it's Italian:still, i hope this mail makes sense and you guys are not going to judge me because i come from a different culture; i just hope to be treated like everyone else on this board. I've been posting before months ago and you guys treated me just fine, forgive me if i'm a bit paranoid at the moment.
Since the subject of suicide is being discussed, i'd like to share my fear with all of you: well, I'm aware this is might sound silly, childlish or even crazy, but lately i've been obsessed with the dread of hell; i've been thinking about suicide every now and then in the last two or three months and i confess that one of the reasons that kept me going was this irrational, terrible fear.
I've had a very strict catholic religious upbringing, i spent my childhood fearing god, feeling guilty because i couldn't worship or love God just like the other children did; eventually i managed to get rid of these fears by the age of thirteen; i'm 32 years old now and this fear is showing up again i guess because i haven't been able to take my life under control lately so that i feel desperate, lonely and needy like a five-years-old: well, this is my rational explanation so far but it didn't help at all : no matter what rational/psychological explanation i come up with, the fear is still there.
Don't get me wrong, i don't want to support the idea of suicide the point I'm trying to make is that i believe there should be a more reasonable, less dreadful way to keep us motivated with life, like hope for the future, love for our family members, goals you want to achieve, etc....
I don't know what to do: i feel like a medieval man dreading the eternal punishment.
poster:Anna Laura
thread:12684
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011015/msgs/12698.html