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Re: My therapist lost a family member in WTC attack » Mair

Posted by shelliR on September 29, 2001, at 19:35:53

In reply to Re: My therapist lost a family member in WTC attack » shelliR, posted by Mair on September 28, 2001, at 21:11:23


>
Hi Mair.

You are definitely presenting a pretty murky situation. You know something about your therapist that she doesn't know you know. True? So are you reading into your therapy situation something that is not there? Or is your therapist truly not giving you the focused attention that she should be.

"I accept that as human nature although I'd almost rather they recognized that and cancelled an ocassional session if they're not up to dealing with someone else's problems. Obviously it depends on the therapist and the nature of his or her problem but I don't think these people are always able to detach as well as they maybe ideally should."

From that paragraph, I would say that you are pretty angry and feel like she should have taken some time off. That you don't feel like she's up to dealing with your problems.

"I am concerned for her but also somewhat anxious and I don't quite know how or whether I should even address it. It seems like my raising it would suggest to her that I don't think she's doing a very good job now because there appears to be something else in her life interfering. Any suggestions as to what I should do?"

Well, so what if you're implying that she isn't doing a good job right now. She isn't, so why would it be so horrible to mention? You are in a very ackward situation, knowing details that she doesn't know that you know. I don't know if you should tell her that you have heard what is going on in her life, or just tell her that you feel something is wrong with therapy right now. I think which ever makes you feel the most comfortable. She does not *have* to know that you know. But she does have to know that you feel that she has not been giving you the focus that she usually does, and that feels makes you feel uncomfortable, concerned, angry, etc. It might be if you bring up the latter point on it's own, she will supply the information. It may be that she isn't sure if you know or not, and that might be distracting from her focus.

The important thing is that that she should be focusing on you totally. That is her job. This is not a friendship, when at times you or your friend may be distracted. When I work, I really do put everything else out of the room. (I am a portrait photographer, and my life totally does not into the studio with me. I could not work up to the standards that are important to me.) So you definitely need to bring it up. And my guess is whichever way you bring it up, it will come together in the same way, and the outcome will be the same. Take care of you; she is strong enough to take care of herself.

Sorry that I can't be clearer. You have mentioned before that you live in a small town so this is one of the disadvantages. Murky waters. I think I may have made them murkier, but if there is any corneal you can pick out of what I said, that would be good enough for me.


Shelli


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