Posted by susan C on September 8, 2001, at 17:52:26
In reply to I Enjoy You , posted by Elzabeth on September 8, 2001, at 16:29:55
in my head, peeking in my windows, reading what I write, thinking my thoughts???? With some modifications, you could be me, I could be you, YES< YES< YES< all the things you say YES.
Yesterday I was hunting around trying to find information on who the three people were who were running for the school board. I have been 'out of it' for so long, no names registered...
There was only one of the three listed in the phone book, I called and only the son was home, so I asked if he could tell me why his dad was running for the school board...he said, well his friend asked him to. A current board member whom I know good things about. So, great, question answered.
However, as I was wandering through the school district site, I looked at the employment section. As, in 1975, I had finished my BA Ed degree...I thought, hmmm, not that I could or have ever, but, just for curiosity (mice are curious too you know) I looked to see how much subs earned...oh, my gauuuud. You CAN make more with better benefits-somewhere else...go down to Kelly Temporary right now...Teacher shortage, my a.. Tho, on the news yesterday I heard Seattle needed 123 more teachers, 1/2 in special ed, So, why don't they just hire the subs they are using...? Oh, Oh, you got me going.
You just keep posting and you will keep hearing from us crazy people.
Mouse on board the same boat
Susan C
> All you you. And I thank you.
>
> As someone said, we all react so differently to the different medications we try, whether medicated or not, it's truly difficult to know what it feels like to be in one another's skin. It's just a blessing that we're here, that we're attempting to *hear* -- that we care, and that we're sharing. Thank you all for that.
>
> I'm starting to feel better. Some of that "Oh my God, I feel like I'm tripping on acid" feeling is leaving my system (anyone remember those days?), and I'm starting to feel like me.
>
> I'm cooking. My God! What a feat. I haven't made my bed yet. I haven't mopped the floors. Haven't cleaned up the bathroom. But I've been to the grocery. Twice. I've made a meal. Two meals, actually, and I'm starting to feel like me.
>
> I'm looking at the many (many) unfinished tasks I have before me (and behind me), and wondering -- really wondering if I wouldn't -- truly -- just start finding some good, and start feeling better ... in getting things done -- one by one. In fact, I know I would.
>
> I quit the dance studio (thanks for your help and support there guys!), I haven't officially quit the Y yet, but I'm not planning on going back. I'm also thinking of quitting my job with the school district (if can can call leaving work as a substitute teacher "quitting."). I haven't been able to get "in" with a permanent teaching position, and subbing is really starting to feel so subserviant. So unwanted, and so unwelcome!
>
> So -- gasp -- at the not-so-tender age of 48, I'm thinking of going back to temp work. What else can I do? Maybe that's a new beginning too. Who knows what might come of this?
>
> So -- I'm wondering, with all these new beginnings ... saying no to the things that aren't working, and well -- just starting over again -- and tackling, one by one, all those unfinished tasks ... hard as that is to do. Maybe with talk therapy (and talking with you guys) ... I don't know ... and just putting one foot in front of the other, maybe I can make a fresh start of it, and maybe I'll be okay.
>
> What's the worst that could happen?
>
> I think part of the problem, actually, is related to the sacrifices we make when we wake up on the other side of raising children. Does this resonate with anyone? How time *stops*, as a 30-something (or however old we were when our children arrived)? At least it's seemed so for me. Especially since I was doing it on my own.
>
> Now that things have just gotten interesting, as my son's in his teenage years -- I'm pushing fifty -- and truth-be-told -- little in my life has changed. I'm still not married. Still don't house, career, pension, etc. You know, all that "stuff" we're supposed to take care of in our career-building years. I was -- uh -- I was busy. I went to school. I've been raising my kid ....
>
> And all of this is a bit worisome ....
>
> Anyone else dealing with these issues?
>
> XXX, E.
>
>
> * * * * *
>
> I saw my internist this morning. Well, not "my" internist. She wasn't available, but one of the MDs on her team. Anyhow, I'm writing both here and on the Rx Babble board, so forgive me if you're hearing this in stereo.
> >
> > Anyhow, I've been having such bad abdominal cramping I haven't been able to work .... Yesterday I thought for sure, my womb was going to fall right out of my body -- I've taken to wearing a -- gasp -- a girdle kind of thing! Anyhow, it turns out it's not my uterus, and -- thank Heavens -- I don't need a hysterectomy -- it's a G.I. thing (but it's still pretty serious).
> >
> > No wonder! I'm not eating, I'm not -- um -- eliminating. It's that -- I'm sure of it -- it's that d*mn Topamax. I'm so sick of it. That Rx is starting to feel like poison to me. So last night I skipped my second dose (by the time I realized I'd forgotten it was already 10 p.m) -- and you know? I think I'll just start weaning myself off AMA, assuming my pdoc won't help me out.
> >
> > I guess I've slipped to the otherside now, starting to view doctors not so much as helpers these days, but to see them with with more of a skeptical eye. If I'm depressed ON medication, and depressed OFF medication -- what's the difference? At least without drugs in my system I don't have all those side effects. Maybe I can tackle my problems with a different -- with a stronger cognitive approach. You know? Maybe my medicine can be running, yoga, journaling, meditating .... What do you guys think???
> >
> > Help you guys, I'm meeting my new pdoc on Wednesday for our 2nd only appointment. He obviously doesn't know me, but I'm sure he'll feel he does.
> >
> > Why are docs such advocates for prescribing Rx and/or mixing up the mix???
> >
> > I'm tired of being an experiment. How can I advocate for an F-ing break from drugs?
> > :-(
> >
> > XXX, E.
> >
> > Elz, You are welcome, if you do do a med flush, keep the computer on this station and keep us posted on how you are feeling. Keep a running journal, blather nonsense, yell, scream, be nice, ask for help, just keep in touch, girl. Make sure your doc is available so if you hit rough patches you have her/him available.
> > >
> > > Major Mouse signing off 10 4 good buddy
> > >
> > > Susan C
> > >
> > > > Thanks Wendy B. -- I *do* feel better about following your advice re. quitting the dance studio. It's getting so much easier to say no. Thank you thank you (and thanks to the rest of you for writing as well: Krazy Kat, Adam, sar, Susan C. Phil and Mair -- XXX).
> > > >
> > > > I'm now getting ready to say a big fat NO to my pdoc who wants to increase medications that I believe are directly responsible for (a) heightening my depression (b) increasing suicidal ideation (which I never had before), and (c) making me physically ill (i.e., I can't eat, have abdominal cramping which has become so severe I can't work) and a host of other problems. I'm meeting with pdoc on Wednesday, and I wanna go off all medications and just start over from scratch. I think I can do it.
> > > >
> > > > Any tips?
> > > >
> > > > You're so good at this being direct business. :-)
> > > >
> > > > XXX, E.
> > > >
> > > > XXX, E.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > > Dear Elz,
> > > > >
> > > > > Since we're all walking on the village green tonight (see Town Green posts above), and since you followed my meddling advice last time, let me just say:
> > > > >
> > > > > THERE IS NO NEED FOR YOU TO PROVIDE THE Y WITH A DOCTOR'S NOTE.
> > > > >
> > > > > You are not an employee. You do not receive a check from them evey 2 weeks (correct me if I'm wrong...?) They have no right or entitlement to such information, and they can rot in hell! You are a volunteer, you haven't even worked out for weeks, you are not getting paid by them, and don't ever walk through their door again... This is the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a long time...
> > > > >
> > > > > However, I'm SOOOOO glad you got out of the dance studio thing... Do you feel better yet? Like a weight is off you? I hope so... Throw the Y the finger, and get outa there...
> > > > >
> > > > > with a hug,
> > > > > Wendy
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > > Hi Everybody ...
> > > > > >
> > > > > > It's me again .... When I contacted the Y to let them know I needed a "leave," my boss asked that I follow up "with a note from my doctor." Doesn't that seem a bit excessive? Come on, we're only talking an hour and a half a week in the nursery to help out (and I wasn't getting over to use the facility anyhow). I'm not particularlyy comfortable asking my psychiatrist to write a note saying I need a break for mental health reasons -- and is this really necessary? Maybe I should just resign altogether, and just start paying the $32 a month to join -- or to join another facility.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > I've already thought of asking my internist to write a note, but I know her. She wouldn't do it.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > What would you do?
> > > > > >
> > > > > > XXX, E.
poster:susan C
thread:10888
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010901/msgs/10980.html