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Re: Elzbeth - Wendy's right!!!

Posted by Elzabeth on September 3, 2001, at 17:41:11

In reply to Elzbeth - Wendy's right!!!, posted by Mair on September 3, 2001, at 12:59:39

> > > Elzbeth - Please try to pay attention to what Wendy's saying. You probably got where you are in part because you try to please too many people. Obviously the time has come where you have to focus an yourself and in your depressed state I'm sure it seems easier to try to plug along rather than cut back, disappoint people and worst of all, come up with an adequate explanation as to why you're paring back. Like Wendy I've been there and done that. I've discovered that if you have job responsibilities, it's not that hard to get other people to accept "no" as an answer to a request that you do stuff outside of work. People always seem to accept that work may have been alot crazier. I've felt guilty about using this as an excuse since I know that the truth is that I'm too depressed to function very well, but no one else has to know this. I've also gotten better about explaining to people that I would love to do "whatever" and that I wish I could help them but that I'm soooo busy that I would be doing an extreme disservice to them to try to take on anything else. If you press this enough, I get an "I appreciate your candor" kind of response.
>
> My therapist used to run through this scenario with me about what would happen if i was told I gotten seriously ill (physically), and say needed an operation. I would be forced to stop working and somehow my work would get done by others. You say the studio won't be able to find another teacher - I don't buy that and I don't buy that this would be disastrous for the studio. If letting these people down is the worst thing that happens to you in your life, you'll be the envy of everyone.
>
> I've worked with what sometimes seems like umpteen therapists and docs over the last several years (really not that many) and everyone of them has tried to convince me that I needed to do something concrete to reduce my work stress - like radically revamp my schedule. I didn't forever for every rationalization in the book - I was too busy - there was no one else to pick up on my workload - my family couldn't afford it etc. Alot of it (unspoken) was that i didn't want to have to explain myself either. This summer I finally managed to put together a couple of months of working way less. It was easier than I thought - everyone seemed to be able to accept the explanation that i was on overload and needed to slow down - and it has been helpful. I couldn't do this until I viewed it as a medical necessity. A particularly tough time last winter forced me to consider that i might end up in a hospital for the first time. Taking a little time off sure seemed like a better alternative. You just need to give yourself the permission to be needy and to take care of yourself at the perceived inconvenience of all others.
>
> I also echo Wendy's suggestion that you talk to your doc sooner than later.
>
> Mair


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poster:Elzabeth thread:10679
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010901/msgs/10745.html