Posted by susan C on August 24, 2001, at 13:17:04
In reply to Re: nuns and such, nunsuch, nonesuch » sar, posted by Wendy B. on August 24, 2001, at 10:54:05
The future in writing is to always have unresolved issues...so you can keep on writing and people keep on wanting to read, therefor buy your books.
This thought came up as I read you post...particularly about romances..oh, the swings, from page to page, paragraph to paragarh, sentence to sentence.
This sounds familiar.
may be this mouse will turn into jane, swinging with tarzan from tree to tree...aaaahhhh eeeee ahhhh.
Tough work, finding dad, writing a letter, asking for a relationship.
my thoughts are with both of you, hoping you also take a minute to think abut yourself...just you...nobody, but you
your wandering moustreel
> > dear wendy,
> >
> > what do you do for a living? do write for harlequin? sillohuette? :)
> >
> > that's what i'm afraid of--sores i can't afford. he does seem to care about me alot--all of this driving, the little kisses, e-mail from abroad all summer--but we did jump in the sack too early. i once wrote a treatise called "On Sluts and Fucking" or somesuch trying to reconcile feminism with evolution. my conclusion was that the girl really does have to hold out in order for things to work (usually) and i think that's damn unfortunate...but as the Chinese say, in order to conquer nature, you must obey it.
> >
> > we worked and partied together for about a year before any of this happened...not as close friends, but we were definitely flirty and always had fun together...
> >
> > i saw him 2 days ago. he played some funny jazz song for me that said "i want her to be my baby but i don't know how she feels about me" or somethin--"this is my song for you," he said casually, and then after it i didn't say anything but took hold of his hand--we were driving--great time we had--
> >
> > i'm just afraid of sores i can't afford.
> >
> > but that means not living.
> >
> > i get confused too easily.
> >
> > how are you, wendy? what happened with the last guy?
> >
> > hope you are well--
> >
> > love
> > sar
>
>
>
> Sar,
>
> Sores you can't afford, I think you're right. You have to be careful of course... I think it's sweet that he played that song for you... What an opportunity for you to have just asked him what he meant by it! Go for it, tell him your worries, see what he says. Maybe e-mailing him would be easier?
>
> Ugghhh, I think I've spilled my guts a little about the last guy on this board, and am loathe to go into it again, was sort of "fired" from the relationship last January, with all sorts of excuses as to why, none of which I understood. We had been together for 2 yrs. I had taken him to my therapist because of his rapid cycling and then catatonic depressions... Whereupon he kinda 'stole' her from me, and I in essence went thru two big losses... It was a horror. I keep thinking that nothing can really hurt me after the craziness of my first (only) marriage, see thread above (Bags are Packed thread) for the gruesome details... But then, something almost as bad DID happen again, so I guess my immunity period was up!
>
> So my most recent relationship meltdown was then made even worse by this guy starting to go out with a chick who was 15 yrs younger than we are, three weeks after he broke up with me. Wheeeee! Imagine the blow to my self-worth. A few weeks ago, I came to the conclusion that, well, he has lowered himself down to the level he's comfortable with. He kept saying: it's not about you, it's about me (whaa..? wasn't I half of the relationship?). But in the end, I realize he was right, he wasn't able to take somebody like me...
>
> Someone whose goal in life *would* be to write for such venerable presses as Harlequin or Sillhouette! (Actually, I don't know the latter, maybe you can fill me in?) Do you know how much money those authors make? I would be overjoyed! Meanwhile, I amuse my invisible friends on PS-babble with my twisted attempts at soft-porn... I do like the nun images, thanks for giving me the opportunity to get silly for a moment...
>
> As for the sex-leads-to-love, or love-leads-to-sex quandry, I am totally torn. As I told you, my writer friend told me that from now on, wait as long as you can til you 'do it,' and I said to her that this advice reminded me too much of the puritanical warnings my parents used to give... 'men want only one thing,' 'don't give it away for free,' (like I should ask them to pay me for it? seriously, I've had lovers who I would have been happy to pay myself!) What did this mean to a budding feminist? That we should have no desire? That we should sit back and wait for a prince who'd bend down before us and ask our hand in marriage, and please, no sex beforehand? I didn't believe in that, and of course, neither did any of the guys I knew, who grew up alongside us little feminists, and they were out to get as much sex as we were...
>
> So the writer-woman says, no, it's not like that, we should wait now for sex, not because we have no desire, or want to hide that part of ourselves, but because most people are jerks (not just men), and immediately hopping in the sack doesn't help with getting to know each other. At least not right away. So what's wrong with waiting? Giving oneself sexually is like giving them a BIG present, and you wouldn't give somebody you didn't know very well a present, would you?
>
> Theoretically, I think she's right. And I have a history of acting impulsively, just doing what felt good, asking questions later, etc. I mean, that's my history, I'm not ashamed of it, it makes me what I am, etc. But I probably could have saved myself a couple of tears along the way... I tend to respond to any overtures of interest, or love, or just soul-talk, with wanting to go to bed with somebody. Having to do with my father leaving when I was a baby, etc.
>
> So that's where I am now... I finally found out where my father lives, and am working on the hardest thing I've ever had to do, write him a letter and ask why he left and if we can now, 40 yrs later, have a relationship. It's just a wound that's never closed, and my new therapist and I think it will bring about some changes in the way I deal with men... We'll see... I can only hope.
>
> Enough! I'm going out running now that my headache has gone away (met some friends by accident downtown last night, we drank sangria, ouch!)
>
> Any other news on the guy, or other insights, let me know...
>
> much love,
> W.
poster:susan C
thread:9858
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010817/msgs/10130.html