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Re: to my pal » sar

Posted by Wendy B. on August 15, 2001, at 1:54:30

In reply to to my pal N-N, jr., posted by sar on August 13, 2001, at 14:11:39

Sar,
sorry i didn't get to answer you sooner, i was away for a couple of days...

> i know it was a sign and that i was lucky as hell not to have hurt anyone else. now i just get to get sued and/or face jail time/ probation!


yeah, that's all!!


> i did pass it off as a joke because well because i don't know why. i can't ride the bike drunk because i'm simply not co-ordinated enough to drink and bike at the same time.

ok, i wasn't saying don't joke, i don't know what i was saying except get serious for a minute... i shouldn't talk: i use humor all the time to ward off feeling anything. 'my life as a stand-up comedian.' when i go into therapy sessions like that, my shrink gets a little short with me. because it prevents me from getting down to the basic questions about *feeling*, rather than masking it...

>drinking and driving is much easier. oh, this is just horrible. i'm saying awful things, i know. i've had a few sober nights since the accident, thank god i work 'til midnight sometimes and come home exhausted.


i know what you mean when you say that drinking & driving is easier. the driving part, anyway. please do the deep breathing thing or whatever you can to stay safe and avoid the six-packs.
did you say that you worked in a bar, on another post, that's why it came so easy to drink? funny, but i start working in a winery, v. part-time. i have to pour taste-tests of various wines for customers. my wage is v. low, but who cares? i get 30% off bottles, so long live the light, crisp dry white! i don't drink a lot anymore, so that white may turn into my self-medication of choice, it'll be cheaper than dope with the discount.


> i'm going to try nicorette and the patch next week. i have become concerned about my teeth and skin. been smoking from age 15, no good.


so many things at once... try fixing just one thing at a time, the urge is to get all better all at once, but it's too much of a shock on your system, babe. plz sloooowwww dooowwwwnnnn.

speaking of fixing things, i'm sorry about the insurance shit, it's a crime. you have to have a therapist whom you actively choose. frankly, i'll go to any qualified internist or family medicine practice, but it's only natural that i want to take part in choosing the individual whom i will be seeing and spilling my guts out to once a week until doomsday...

the next rant is the klonopin thing... what a ridiculous set of steps they're making you dance to in order to get it. if it is helping you, then it's a hit! if the idiot doesn't get it (try printing out some of the best threads on psy-babble regarding klonopin being safe, and take them to your doc), then it's off to another shrink... hopefully without them calling your behavior 'drug-seeking.'


> progression. i wash my clothes now. i wear deodorant. sometimes even some makeup. i buy cute clothes. i chew gum. i socialize...and so as the sadness drops away, i hope that the drinking will too.

i hope so too... although it's probably not as simple as getting un-depressed. the other stuff is *very* good, i mean it. buying cute clothes is good for the ego. i've been showing off my post-depressed body, post-breakup body, this summer. sounds stupid, but for $7 i can get all the polyester i want at the local target (pronounced "tar-jhay"). seriously, i was in shopping heaven. that's how much better i am, too, i can actually enjoy simple shit like that...


(i know it has nothing to do with hope, it has to do with DOING but i'm a taoist you see, when i officially tried to give up drinking in april i started drinking everyday just because i was no longer "allowed" to)...

c'mon, the bhodisatva doesn't need to get high, does she? listen to your true buddha-nature, breathe from deep inside the belly,
etc.
etc.


>i have crushes now, i don't feel hollow anymore..


crushes are important, we need fantasy objects, we're not yet ready for prime time. my latest crush is my pharmacist, v. cute guy, especially when he hasn't shaved for a couple of days, he's probably a little younger than me, but so much the better... he worked a miracle with my neurontin scrip last week, i'll do anything for my mood-stabilizers, baby, and i do mean *any*thing. oh pharmacist dude!
should i ask him out for coffee? (or a pain-killer?)


>i do like my drink very much but it's harder to get to the store now, or a remote location like a large grocery store that i can steal from at 2 am, so the drinking drops by default.


another nagging entreaty: will you plz stop stealing beer! shit, girl, after the car accident, and the fines or probation or whatever, you cannot afford to go on doing that! cease and desist...


> i don't think i'd ever tell you off, wendy, unless yr planning to get all rowdy on me...?! :)

you mean you don't think i *could* get rowdy? i'm a BP I / taurus - passion is slow and seething, and then it's all over the place, so look out! babe...

> you up for a catfight or somethin?

oh no... my spiritual guide sez: catfights are for the old me. hours-long, long-distance posting on psychobabble is about the only thing my buddha-nature requires of me at this time...

i do care about you, as do all the others: kid_a, shelli, kingfish, marie, greg, etc...

xox, your friend,
wendy


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poster:Wendy B. thread:8990
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010812/msgs/9619.html