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Re: A friend pulls away

Posted by AMenz on August 10, 2001, at 0:06:50

In reply to Re: A friend pulls away, posted by Kristi on August 5, 2001, at 15:12:15

I feel like that a lot, too. Like the few friends I have are extremely self-centered.

I do feel walked on and do not know how to turn off their barrage of self disclosure and support seeking. I don;t mind not asking for support anymore. I don;t get it anyway. But I'd like to find a polite way of discouraging their emotional dumping. I think it's dumping if it is not reciprocal. (The advice, and listening etc I mean)

>
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> I know what your going thru. I have problems on two counts.
> Would I love to hear people's responses to this one! I am the type of person.. that has a lot of friends(probably too many) that come to me with their problems, I listen , give advice, and keep it to myself. If I ever have a problem I'd like to talk about.... they may listen for a minute.... but it then pretty quickly turns to them.
> And I also am interuppted all the time... from another set of friends, and most of my family... like what I say doesn't matter... and if I say anything(point it out) I'm the bad guy. I get walked over no matter where I go. Oh well, I'll accept it.... cuz I love my friends....
> frustrating.
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> > I'm feeling somewhat alone this afternoon. Has to do with hurting a friend's feelings this past week. We were out to dinner on Tuesday, and I was being interrupted in conversation for the I don't know how many time. So I interrupted back and asked if I could finish my story. She had a look of shock on her face. Then, as we stood outside, I was stretching my calf muscle, and she started giving me stretching advice. Now realize, I am severely over-weight. You would no more realize that once I use to be a very athletic person. And this friend started giving me unwanted, unasked for advice. And I cut her off. Again, a look of shock on her face -- like how dare I. Since then, she has not returned my emails, nor my phone calls. So it has saddened me. I was not rude in how I did this. In fact, I was quite polite. But it makes me feel lonely, because I don't have many friends, and I can't believe that something like this would hurt our friendship. I was just trying to keep good boundaries. To know me is to know that I haven't had many close friends the past decade or so, because I have had such brick walls that I would not let anyone near. But in learning how to have new friendships, I also know that I don't want to go to the other extreme and just let people get away with anything -- like rudely interrupting my telling of a story, or always feeling like they can tell me how to do something -- like they know more than I do. I am torn on what to do now. I am pretty certain that I did not do anything wrong, so I don't want to give an impropery apology. But she may think I did, especially given her expressions when I behaved at the time as I did - and given her response since.
> >
> > Any thoughts?
> >
> > A confused hounddog.


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poster:AMenz thread:8681
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