Posted by susan C on July 30, 2001, at 15:44:44
In reply to Re: What do you expect from a spouse? Susan, posted by mila on July 30, 2001, at 14:26:41
Thank you for your thoughtful and kind response.
Now I have to get to the point where I can talk to him about it. I think he will be defensive, or denial, or I will feel like I cant really express acurately how I am feeling, so I will end up feeling like I got it all wrong. And maybe I have. I just know I am very sad right now. Thank you for sharing your story.
> Susan,
>
> a similar thing happened to me in my marriage. It really broke my heart, but then filled me with determination to get better and keep my husband to myself.
>
> being a wife is larger than being a lover. but winning his heart, his passion, enfatuation back is a separate task which is not that difficult to achieve, especially for a wife who knows her husband like no one else.
>
> do not give up, Susan. you do not need this heavy stress in your life today.
>
> i also offered him to leave first, but then I realized that I myself promised him myself 20 years ago that I will be with him till death do us part. That is what he expects from ME as a spouse. First, I thought that reality shattered my fairy tale marriage, and couldn't continue to be married to this different person anymore. then i discoreved that reality is a very powerful source of changes to the better. He was larger than life for me before. Now I am my own person and my marriage is stronger than ever. instead of little nobody married to a King, we are a royal couple today, if I may use a fairy tale language here without being smiled upon.
>
> I told him that what he was doing was unacceptable, wrong. We had many long talks and slowly started to piece out lives back together. Of course, trust is an issue afterwards and has to be talked about separately. Now we both sigh with relief that the whole story of his betrayal and my illness is behind us. My illness had an incredible toll on him, especially in the later stages when I developed an acute social anxiety and major depression. He needed some time to heal his sort of PTST afterwards.
>
> love
> mila
poster:susan C
thread:8211
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010726/msgs/8382.html