Posted by shelliR on July 19, 2001, at 22:43:15
In reply to Re: Therapist problems » shelliR, posted by Marie1 on July 18, 2001, at 22:31:11
Hi Marie across the river.
In response:
> What kind of business are you in?.<
I'm a photographer, with a specialty that combines fine art with commissioned photography. I wish I could be more specific, but since I've already revealed my whereabouts......>One of the reasons for my reading this book is because I don't think I buy the concept of "transference"; I think that it's entirely natural that given the intensity of typical therapeutic relationships, it stands to reason that intense feelings may develop for the therapist. I mean, didn't we fall in love with our significant others in a similar process? <
I 've been thinking about your statement above, and have been formulating thoughts about it. They are not quite concrete yet. In psychoanalytic terms, I guess transference means everything you attribute to the therapist originates from early family relationships. That one I don't buy. I don't buy the whole blank slate thing. As I said in my previous post, all therapists have their blind spots and quirks, and they are real, not projected.
I’m trying to think about the intimacy of the therapist-patient relationship (from the patient’s position) compared to a sexual/partner relationship and I’m getting confused.
I don’t quite understand what you mean by "didn’t we fall in love with our significant others in a similar process." Do you mean by sharing intimate parts of ourselves? Could you expand on what you meant?In a partner relationship, particularly in the "falling in love" stage, there is the feeling that your relationship is the center of the universe. In therapy, the nature of the relationship in that you are the absolute center of the universe, and the therapist is at least partially masked.
I think (at least for me and many adults who were not nurtured and protected) that attachment is the transference for me, rather than specific projections. My therapist does *not * remind me of my mother, and that is probably why I feel this intense desire to be connected to her in some way. And how I want to be connected is not clear to me, but definitely not as a sibling, and I don’t think exactly like a mother, either. I do not want to go out to dinner with her, and I don’t want to go live with her. I just want to stay in that room with her for as long as I want, as often as I want, talking what *I* want to talk about.
As I am thinking about this, I am realizing that it is exactly what a child wants: the mother to be completely and fully there, but only when she want her to be there, i.e., the mother can’t "need" to be there because of her needs.
I think for me, it would be the same if it were a male therapist, except maybe I would be able to play out the attachment fantasy more concretely, i.e., living with him as a sexual partner. Definitely not sure about that one.I think that I’m really only talking about transference on a personal level. I know my feelings are very similar to other women who were abused both physically, and/or sexually, and emotionally, from being in several support groups and in the hospital. I don’t think this is a typical "neurotic" transference.
Wow, sorry. I get really long when I write as I am thinking. And spacey. I'm not sure if this will make any sense outside my own head, so don't worry if you don't connect to it, or take offense if I misconstrued what you were expressing. Maybe I should stop thinking about transference until after I read the book; I might be wasting a lot of energy!
Shelli
poster:shelliR
thread:7541
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010717/msgs/7666.html