Posted by Shar on July 17, 2001, at 22:43:13
In reply to Re: I hate myself and I want to die., posted by mila on July 17, 2001, at 21:59:25
Oh kid, been there, been there, been there...oh, did I say I've been there? Since about early teen years depression with lots of good old suicidal ideation. I understand what you are going through, and you have my sympathy.
Even before my depression set in, I wanted to die. Think there must have been some family dynamic there...d'oh!
One thing I learned over the years was that I needed to make some decisions about suicide. I'm 49 now (older than I thought I would ever be) and one big decision was not to kill myself.
I think you have a good chance of moving beyond your current anguish and pain. You are entering treatment when tons more is known about treating depression and treatment-resistant depression, new meds, and all the time-tested older meds. A lot of people here do research on what's out there, and work with their pdocs, and learn about what meds may help or not, what side effects might be, what time frame might you expect for the med to begin working, etc.
I never thought I would get beyond basic depression as my normal mood (black mood). However, much to my surprise, my current med cocktail has really helped a great deal. I would say I'm mostly blue now.
Some moments are pert near clear.
I waited decades to try meds. Tried all sorts of talk therapy instead. Still do talk therapy. With meds, really the worst that can happen is that I would end up depressed--where I'd already been. After trying several meds and combos, slowly there was one that helped, then that was augmented, it was better, then that was augmented.
I believe you really can have hope. It takes perseverence, but not as much perseverence as staying alive with depression and suicidal ideas. To me, the med side effects were crappy when I had them, but not as crappy as the depression.
Good luck. Hang on. Keep writing.
Shar
poster:Shar
thread:7558
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010717/msgs/7574.html