Posted by Anna Laura on July 9, 2001, at 3:14:28
In reply to Re: Sexual fantasies and shrinks, posted by sar on July 8, 2001, at 23:37:10
> Hey Judy,
>
> You've been with this doc for awhile, right? Are you comfortable with this, or do you think it would help to see a female doc? (or are you bi?)
>
> I always choose female psychologists because I feel like they'd not think about me in a sexual me (nor me towards them)--I want to be so brutally honest in the office that I don't want any room for flirtation. Also, 'cos I have Issues with Men, I like speaking with a Woman. I like for my psychologist to be kind of life a professional girlfriend/doctor all wrapped up into one.
>
> The way I feel about my femal psychologist though, is--well, I'm envious of her education, clothes, community respect, expertise, etc--not a crush, but admiration.
>
> This is a sticky topic, I know, but didn't you endure some sexual abuse? Do you feel comfortable speaking with a man about this?
This is going to be a sticky topic too. I hope you guys are not going to judge me.
Yes, i am narcisistic, i like talking about myself (who doesn't ?). But writing this mail down has been very difficult for me, believe me, cause i feel uncomfortable about this topic, feeling kind of "vulnerable" when i talk about it.
I was abused by my mother as a child, plus i always had sexual identity problems (i don't know if these things are connected somehow). My mother told me that when i was two-years old i wanted to be a male and i used to say i used to be a boy before they cut my genitals off.
My moher was very worried since her mother was homosexual and thought it was a genetic kind of thing (she actually thought the sexual identity "problem" skipped a generation and i was going to be a lesbian like her mother). She tried to buy me dolls and female dressing which i destroied/ripped them off everytime. "My name is Anno, not Anna, i'm a boy" - i shouted.
As i grew up i was hanging out with guys throughout all my teen-age years; i tried to get in touch with women, but they always were a kind of mistery to me, didn't understand them at all. I tried and tried, but i always ran away at the end: they scared me.I was sexually molested as a child, but still, men were somehow "better" then women to me.
As i hit my twenties things began to change: i began to feel comfortable about being a woman, but still had "rejections crisis" during which i cried and used to say i was trapped inside a female body. As i turned twenty-one i met two wonderful women i was comfortable with. One of the two had become my best friend.. Still, i felt kind of uneasy with women, especially when they used to say phrases like: "men are different from us" and stuff like that. I never felt that way. I still don't know exactly what being female is about.
That's why i prefer male pdocs: i'm more comfortable with them. If i feel attracted by them as it happened with my former pdoc years ago, therapy comes first and i never, never flirt with them, believe me, 'cause the urge of feeling better is so strong that's actually surpassing the flirtation b******t. Moreover, the thing i talked about in my previous post actually took place at the end of the therapy : throughout the years of therapy he was like a good mother sort of.
poster:Anna Laura
thread:7149
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010706/msgs/7241.html