Posted by Zo on June 9, 2001, at 4:07:44
In reply to BPD resources!!, posted by Helen36 on June 4, 2001, at 16:49:18
I'd also like to distinguish between borderline - or any other - traits, which come out under stress, for example, and disorder, which is, unfortunately, far more "hard-wired" in the character and in the brain.
When I was young, I stole, shoplifted, and was eventually caught and arrested. Even now, with all the work I've done and having raised two healthy children to adulthood, every now and then the urge to just *take* something will arise, ever so slightly. . .And I can connect it to the longing that overwhelmed my childhood, and how I must have hoped I could "steal" my mother's love. Which she gave to my siblings, but never bonded with me, her firstborn. Instead, I was her goat - and slave. For many years, I thought I was Borderline - and for many years, it was a sexist diagnosis, encompassing much of the real grief of women. The terrible aspects of psychiatry, the very psychiatry that has saved my life, is its power to marginalize and make "sick" people who are suffering from real, sociological dilemma.
It's all in how your wound possesses you, or whether you possess it. I know I am broken, I know I will never be at home in the world as are, for example, my children. But I know myself to *be*. I have the crucial awareness, that which mediates the space between trait and disorder, the observing ego.
It's a painful life either way you cut it, no pun intended. . .and my wish is for wholeness, as we are, for us all.
poster:Zo
thread:6255
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010526/msgs/6367.html