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Re: Coping with a relationship during depression

Posted by Cary on April 23, 2001, at 16:36:00

In reply to Re: Coping with a relationship during depression, posted by roo on April 23, 2001, at 8:36:58

Roo, I can't thank you enough for your message of hope. I read it earlier today and related to just about every word of it. I've been feeling so much more positive ever since. My girlfriend has been just the same as your boyfriend was - she has similar problems, and we both need other things going on in our lives. My feelings about her change in the exactly the same way as yours when I'm feeling depressed, and the guilt of that has been hard to bear. But you're right, when I'm feeling happier, when I'm thinking levelly and rationally, I love her so much that it sometimes takes my breath away (last time that happened I realised how accurate that expression was). I just need to remember that these feelings are still there, in my heart, even when I'm feeling numb or confused. That they'll come back. It's so hard to think rationally and realistically sometimes though.
I've tried half a dozen different types of medication over the years. None of them had ANY effect at all, even on the maximum dose. I remember my nervousness at taking Prozac for the first time, that it might make me weird(er!), and my disappoinment when I found it didn't! The only thing antidepressants have ever done for me is interfere with my sleep, making me feel worse, especially when I come off them. Last year I'm afraid I gave up, disillusioned with medication, and more certain than ever that I was never going to get better. Therapy wasn't helping me either.
Good luck with moving in with your boyfriend, Roo. You've worked so hard coming to terms with your problems, I'm sure you've got something really special going there.

> Cary--
>
> I've felt (and still do feel at times) exactly as
> you do. In fact, I broke off an engagement from
> my boyfriend b/c of it. We went into counseling
> together, and I discovered a lot about how my
> depression effects our relationship. (and he has
> problems too, which contributed to me feeling
> "smothered", he was too focused on me, I felt, and
> didn't have "a life")...but we're working on all
> these things. One thing that really helped me that
> may or may not help you was that I began to realize
> that my bad feelings had little to do with my boyfriend.
> I noticed when I was feeling good about myself, I was
> feeling good and hopeful about us. And when I was feeling
> shitty about myself, I was feeling doubtful about us, and
> critical of my boyfriend--having thoughts like "do I
> really even love him?". Just realizing that made me feel
> less panicky when I had those doubtful feelings. Along with
> that was just not reacting so much to my negative feelings, try
> to ride them like waves and realize they pass and that the good
> feelings will come again. I also realized that b/c I've been
> depressed my whole life, the possibility of a happy
> life with my boyfriend was actually, ironically, an
> anxiety provoking thought, b/c although happiness might
> seem like an obvious choice--it's was unfamiliar to me and
> therefore threatening. So, in an odd way, falling back
> into depressive type cycles was actually a way of
> comforting myself from the stress/anxiety of the possibility
> of happiness with another person. Does that make any
> sense at all? It was a long, hard process figuring all
> this stuff out. In fact, me and my boyfriend broke up
> for 4 months. Now we're about to move in together. I still]
> am dealing with anxiety that crops up sometimes. We shall
> see. I'm just a little better at calming myself down
> than I used to be.
>
> Are you on medication for depression? That can help
> a great deal too....


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poster:Cary thread:5761
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010417/msgs/5776.html