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Re: Coping with a relationship during depression

Posted by roo on April 23, 2001, at 8:36:58

In reply to Re: Coping with a relationship during depression, posted by Cary on April 23, 2001, at 4:09:59

Cary--

I've felt (and still do feel at times) exactly as
you do. In fact, I broke off an engagement from
my boyfriend b/c of it. We went into counseling
together, and I discovered a lot about how my
depression effects our relationship. (and he has
problems too, which contributed to me feeling
"smothered", he was too focused on me, I felt, and
didn't have "a life")...but we're working on all
these things. One thing that really helped me that
may or may not help you was that I began to realize
that my bad feelings had little to do with my boyfriend.
I noticed when I was feeling good about myself, I was
feeling good and hopeful about us. And when I was feeling
shitty about myself, I was feeling doubtful about us, and
critical of my boyfriend--having thoughts like "do I
really even love him?". Just realizing that made me feel
less panicky when I had those doubtful feelings. Along with
that was just not reacting so much to my negative feelings, try
to ride them like waves and realize they pass and that the good
feelings will come again. I also realized that b/c I've been
depressed my whole life, the possibility of a happy
life with my boyfriend was actually, ironically, an
anxiety provoking thought, b/c although happiness might
seem like an obvious choice--it's was unfamiliar to me and
therefore threatening. So, in an odd way, falling back
into depressive type cycles was actually a way of
comforting myself from the stress/anxiety of the possibility
of happiness with another person. Does that make any
sense at all? It was a long, hard process figuring all
this stuff out. In fact, me and my boyfriend broke up
for 4 months. Now we're about to move in together. I still]
am dealing with anxiety that crops up sometimes. We shall
see. I'm just a little better at calming myself down
than I used to be.

Are you on medication for depression? That can help
a great deal too....


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