Posted by Cary on April 22, 2001, at 14:41:18
I've just read an earlier post which really struck a chord with me. I've suffered from depression as long as I can remember, and am in a long-distance relationship which has become serious. We live in different countries, but have met each other and got along well, apart from some problems which I'm trying to learn to accept as being normal in relationships - this is my first, so this is a real learning experience for me.
But following the last time I saw her I've fallen into a deep depression, and have begun to doubt everything about us - whether we're right for each other (our personalities are very different, and I'm afraid when I'm feeling down I get very irritable and start thinking we can't get on, etc...), whether I like sex (again, the first time was my first time, and it wasn't great, couldn't even 'do it' the second time, and have worried myself to the point where I feel I'm going mad ever since), even whether I love her. The last one is the hardest. I feel so GUILTY, the pain is incredible. I've recently told her what depression does to me, but I couldn't possibly tell her I've begun doubting something so fundamental. And keeping it locked in while trying to continue a loving, affectionate relationship is so hard. Like one of your previous posters, I thought having a girlfriend would mean an end to all my problems, but really it's just created a whole set of new ones. I feel like throwing everything away, even though there's some rational part of me reminding me we're really good together, even if, right now, I'm doubting even that.
Anyone who's felt something similar, please could you give me some advice. I don't want to end something which a few months ago I was saying was the best thing that's ever happened to me, but the anxiety is so great at the moment it feels like it's the only option.
Thankyou for reading.
poster:Cary
thread:5761
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010417/msgs/5761.html