Posted by Rach on February 18, 2001, at 2:35:28
I have had one of the best weekends of my life. 4 friends, fun, a splash of alcohol, lots of food, great conversation, and a few vids.
Have you ever realised that you are you own worst enemy (to coin a cliched phrase)? I love my life. But I keep doing things to screw it up for myself. I don't know how I can trust myself not to ruin what beauty and love I have now. I am happy - and I am closer to committing suicide than I have ever been before. I keep looking at the kitchen knives. I think about all the pills in the house. I drove around trying to find a nice tree or pole to wrap myself around. I don't want to let myself make an utter mess of my life. I love and enjoy my life too much for that.