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Re:Update » judy1

Posted by ms. b. on January 16, 2001, at 16:26:53

In reply to Re:Update » tdaneen, posted by judy1 on January 16, 2001, at 15:53:14

Just a quick note - I have been where you are right now, was going through a major depression when my husb and I were fighting out the custody/child support in court. Luckily, he didn't know about my depression (I hadn't been diagnosed yet), nor that I was on Zoloft and lots of Xanax to get through it all.

Regarding some of the legal points: if you are not sure your attorney is doing the best job, you should almost certainly get another. In NY state at least, you have to sign a statement given to you by the lawyer right at the beginning that says the retainer will be used for the fees incurred (they just want it up front as a type of pre-payment). They don't just get to keep it. So if you gave them $2,000, for ex., and you've only incurred fees of $1,500, they owe you $500.

If you don't have faith in your lawyer, you are going to be at a disadvantage.

Also, if your husb can ask that YOU be psychologically tested, I think you can ask the same be done to him. His vindictiveness and unreasonable behavior (as with the car episode - I'm familiar with that one, my husb did that too!), means that it is HE who might actually not understand the basics necessary to care for a child, such as secure transportation.

Finally, the thing that judges look at most is (at least where I'm from): WHICH of you did the majority of the child care prior to the breakup? If as you say, you're schlepping the child around back and forth and hour each day, and the father is not, that's a biggie.

Don't let him intimidate you! Easy to say, hard to live out, I know. If I can help with anything else off this bulletin board, let me know. It angers me that these men know zilch about what it really takes to make a child feel stable and how to raise them, yet they have the balls (sorry!) to countersue for full custody! They have no idea what we have sacrificed for the sake of these children, and god knows they would never be able to do it themselves.

letting off steam, I know... Good luck with everything and keep us posted.


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