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Re: Reaction to stress? » scotiapryncess

Posted by medlib on December 8, 2000, at 7:06:38

In reply to Reaction to stress?, posted by scotiapryncess on December 7, 2000, at 15:16:59

> Starting four years ago my mom died, my sister died, my husband of 25 years left me and my two daughters, and finally, I lost my business. Yeah, this is a lot of stress. I am trying so hard to regain some control over my life, but the financial ramifications have been enormous. Recently, I have come to realize that I am feeling like none of this is really real. I was not even aware of it until a few months ago. It's as tho I am stuck in some wierd place that makes no sense to me. My thoughts are perfectly clear, and I am completely oriented. It's just his constant feeling that none of this really happened. That somehow I am going to wake up and things will be put back in order. How on earth do I move ahead and cope when I feel this way? I am so confused.

SP--

I think that denial is a perfectly normal and sanity-saving response to your series of devastating losses; you would have been overwhelmed, oherwise. Denial is the first of five stages of psychological reactions to traumatic loss identified by E. Kubler-Ross in "Death and Dying." (The remaining four stages are Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.) But, it sounds like that just about the time you normally would have been ready to begin emotionally processing one loss, you got hit with another--and another--and another.

When I read your post, I got an image of your psyche (with a death grip on your steering wheel) replying impatiently to the emotions trying to get your attention, "Not now! Can't you see I'm trying to drive here?!"

These traumatic changes probably have forced you to become a cross between Superwoman and the Lone Ranger. You have *been* in sole control for a long time. Regardless of outcomes, you undoubtedly deserve at least an "A for Effort"--and a break from relentless responsibility. Perhaps what you need is not more control, but someone with whom you can safely relinquish some control--at least at times, for a little while.

You've indicated that you are realizing that denial, however indispensable it's been as a temporary haven, is not someplace you can live long term. If Life will give you a breather, I believe that a grief counsellor and/or Survivor's Group could help you prise your fingers off that steering wheel long enough to begin to attend to some of those postponed emotions.

Your "handle" suggests that you're Canadian, and I'm not familiar with your health care system. In the states, I'd ask for a referral from a local hospital medical social worker or from the Visiting Nurses Association's hospice program. Maybe other Canadian PBers can suggest some low cost options.

Good Luck! Please be kind to yourself, and please accept this virtual ((((hug)))).

Well wishes---medlib


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