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Re: Holiday Plans » Noa

Posted by dari on November 21, 2000, at 15:41:52

In reply to Holiday Plans, posted by Noa on November 21, 2000, at 15:16:32

Noah:

I admire you for taking care of yourself like this... and you're right, it will feel kinda neat to be able to tell your family that you already have plans.
My son and I are tentatively planning on driving to NH to spend the day and following weekend with one of three siblings and then parents at their home. It's a bit up in the air in that, frankly, I am feeling pretty strong right now and I'm not sure that I want to jeopardize my emotional health all in the name of family harmony. I'm learning that I have to be selfish with my family or I have a tendency to decompensate and of course, no one can pick up the pieces in the aftermath but me!!!

The hospital idea sounds great. Whatever you do, I hope you have a wonderful day. I'll be thinking of you!

dari

> OK, so it is just about here. Here is my deal:
>
> For some reason, my family, whom I LIKE to spend holidays with, never gets its act together for Thanksgiving, or if it does, it does so at the very last minute.
>
> This year, I decided not to wait around waiting to be invited. I wish I could be the one doing the inviting but I am not in a place to do that right now. In past years, I have waited anxiously to be invited, feeling hurt. At times, I have taken the initiative to call to ask to be invited. I don't like doing that, either.
>
> This year, I decided to do something completely different.
>
> Coincidentally, a good friend made the decision to not go to her abusive family for holidays this year.
>
> So, we decided to do something different. We are going out to dinner and then to a show.
>
> In the morning, if I can get myself up and out, I would like to do some volunteer work, maybe visiting kids in the hospital.
>
> And, if my family (the local contingent) decides to call tonight or tomorrow night to invite me, well, too late. Although this isn't the primary motivation for this, I must admit, I am enjoying the idea of telling them I already have other plans.
>
> Mostly, I feel good about being proactive and making plans, doing something good for myself, not waiting around passively and feeling hurt.
>
> I am still a bit pissed off about how this works in my family, but I am not feeling hurt like I usually do.


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