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theory » coral

Posted by Racer on November 14, 2000, at 15:03:49

In reply to Re: Still miserable!, posted by coral on November 14, 2000, at 13:59:09

Shar is pretty smart, 'cause I agree, too.

After answering your query below, I realized something:

I'm whinging about things that I can usually rock with. What's different right now? I'm on hold!

I've been interviewing with a company I'm interested in, and I know they're interested in me. They let me know that the offers they were making would go out last Thursday. On Thursday, they let us know that the final decision would be delayed, until yesterday or today. I haven't heard anything yet.

Mind you, I know they're interested in me, and I know that I'm one of the most impressive people they've seen. They even told me that! Whatever is holding things up is on their side, and knowing what I do about their business, I can guess that it has more to do with the weather than anything else!

Still, I'm in limbo, don't know what to do. I'm working on a contract which will end as soon as I can make it happen. This contract is otherwise openended. I could stretch this out for three or more months, if I want to.

I feel totally stymied, because I don't feel as though I can plan more than a week or so in advance right now. In fact, the contract people are asking me what my availability is for next week, for the week after, etc. I don't know what to tell them!

So, I would bet that that, along with things like the change of weather, is what's setting me off right now.

Also, I rear ended an Audi about 15 months ago. The insurance company sent me to one of their prefered shops, which mangled my car. I went through the entire hot season with no air conditioning because of them. My car is finally being fixed, after almost a year of fighting with the shop, the insurance company, and getting shifted from one to another agent. Now they're also fixing another ding in my car, from my hitting a concrete pillar in my garage. It's expensive, but makes me feel as though I'm worthy of my car. (Hey, it's a Toyota, car of the Gods! It's saying a lot to be worthy of a Toyota!) The money doesn't really bother me, since it's going into something I value.

What bothers me about all this car stuff is the rental car! I hate it with a passion, and don't feel normal without my own little car! Also, the rental really is a terrible car -- even without comparing it to my lovely Car-milla.

Maybe it's a kind of let down? The car trouble is finally being cleared up. The employment situation is finally showing some light at the end of the tunnel. My SO is the most perfect man on the planet. My big cat isn't eating because he's figured out how to get into the food bin on his own and thus JUST ISN'T HUNGRY. Life is suddenly coming into focus.

Sure the job thing is scary. Sure, the car is expensive. Sure, I'll have to kill the cat.

Nonetheless, my theory is that I babble all the time with ---- NO!! The real theory is that I'm afraid that with nothing falling to pieces around me, I'll fail anyway. I'll sabotage myself. I'll find out I'm not good enough to get through this.

Who knows? Maybe that's part of it though.

Any other ideas?


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