Posted by coral on November 13, 2000, at 15:25:44
In reply to Misery??, posted by Racer on November 13, 2000, at 12:54:55
Dear Racer,
What courage!!!! Given that hole of hopelessness in your heart, you still functioned above the very basics of existence, and even involved yourself in projects that are normally joyous for you. Given your beautiful analogy of the crysallis, the butterfly struggles mightily, often to the point of exhaustion, in breaking free of its coccoon.
The sense of feeling like there's something you "should've" done or have left "undone" sounds like it might be guilt, as though you're disappointing someone else. Is there something about the time of year, the weather, anything that could be triggering it?
This may be a real stretch, but you also said you wanted to "show everyone you could step out of your crysallis" --- a proving of your worth? Is that an old issue for you that's raising its ugly head?
This may be a bit metaphysical, but I've always believed that diseases (or dis-eases) have lives of their own and they fight hard to keep their existence going. If your meds are working, this could be the "darkest before the dawn," a last hurrah from the disorder before it fades in the dawn.
Know you're not alone. You're very dear to me, (not to mention you're very dear to your mare), and this can be conquered.
((((((((Racer))))))))
PS Even Messiahs hit brick walls.
CPE (Coral)
poster:coral
thread:2633
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001031/msgs/2638.html