Posted by chdurie2 on November 10, 2000, at 20:54:28
In reply to Re: Why can't I ever remember the lessons I learn????, posted by Racer on November 10, 2000, at 19:25:52
> Thank you, everyone, for all your kindness and support. It always gives me a warm feeling to know that someone's rooting for me.
>
> The deep question above wasn't really the literal one, why must this client be SUCH an idiot, but the underlying one: I know that trying to avoid conflict always gets me in trouble, while speaking up for myself avoids that trouble. Why, then, do I constantly forget that lesson and try to avoid trouble by clamming up?
>
> Secondary question: do any of you have similar questions you've had to learn and relearn over and over?
>
> Tertiary* question: Why can't we ever get it drilled into our heads and save ourselves the frustration of having to learn it unpleasantly over and over and over again?
>
> Thanks!
>
>racer- you're not alone. most of the trouble i've had in my life has come from my not having learned a life lesson when it first arose - thus, i keep making the same mistakes over and over. my greatest frustration is that i never seem to learn.what i said about disagreeing without being disagreeable - that phrase i stole from a book or mag article - is a biggie for me, but i must say i have made big strides there. i just worked on being nice and listened to how others expressed their criticism. even my p-doc and i don't fight anymore.
but i have lots more things where i keep making the same mistakes over and over again. recently i've been trying to re-establish myself as an antiques dealer after a long period of being "in hiding" with depression. every week i tell myself i'm going to start getting ready for my weekend shows on tuesday, and every week i don't, and there's this mad crush on thursday-friday, which sometimes exhausts me so much i'm too tired to go on saturday. every week i tell myself i'm just not as strong as i used to be, so i have to pace myself better. i procrastinate because i'm unfocused and fearful that i'll never have the success i used to again. meanwhile, i sabotage myself.
the reasons? let's see...my p-doc and i have come up with not treating myself so well because i don't deserve/can't handle success...i have an investment in blaming myself so i don't do things differently...i'm afraid to take a risk and perhaps make things better...depression is a habit that's hard to break...not participating in life is safer...
i'm sure if you look you'll find your own list. why do we beat our heads against the wall rather than change? cuz it's easier, and bad habits are tough to break.
but i've done some...i no longer stay up til dawn and sleep til 2. i'm at least pushing myself to confront my fear and anxiety over work. when i get in a tizzy and everything seems overwhelming and i cry, it's much shorter, isn't as big a production. i handle my moods better and do better self talk.
i think we change when we either want to change or when we have to change. sometimes for me, i have to get fed up enuf with myself - and sometimes it takes years to get fed up enuf that i change.
>caroline
> *Ain't that a great word? Very -- how shall I say it? -- Lumptonian!
poster:chdurie2
thread:2434
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001031/msgs/2511.html