Posted by allisonm on November 3, 2000, at 22:40:15
In reply to Allisonm?, posted by Greg on November 3, 2000, at 6:56:59
Greg,
Thanks for asking and thanks for thinking of me. I've been real up and down still. I saw my pdoc Thursday and we talked about it at length. I was so full of doubt about the causes of my down moods and my up moods that I basically said that I really can't trust my own judgment anymore. Sometimes I think it's the drug working or not working. Other times I think it's outside circumstances and events. Sometimes I think it could be anything or nothing.
In the end, he upped my nightime dose from 400mg to 600mg to aid sleep, and kept my morning dose at 200mg. This is my sixth drug and I half expect it not to work. My sleep has not been good. About every other morning I wake up at 3:30 or 4 and cannot go back to sleep. I think it's because we stopped the nightly 15mg Remeron. The upped night dose of Neurontin is supposed to help that.
I expressed my reservations of having to go through the washout period for an MAOI -- especially my fear that I'll have to take sick time off and that would just give my boss, who only a month ago tried to get me to take a medical leave for invalid reasons, ammunition for future skirmishes. My pdoc said that there are other options to look at. He thought that maybe I need more serotonin (Remeron helped some with that but the Neurontin doesn't) and he said that if Neutontin doesn't work, we might switch to Celexa. Thing is, I could not tolerate Zoloft, so who knows.
That's it in a nutshell. I went to Toronto today as part of a concert/demonstration at a large music conference and I had a good time. Some of the people I was with and I walked around downtown and windowshopped on the way to eat at Chinatown. I really had fun. I found myself several times today joking and laughing -- really laughing -- about things we were talking about, which at times felt so unnatural...probably because I rarely laugh and I've forgotten what it's like. I wonder whether it's the Neurontin or just me. It's doubts like this that bewilder and frustrate me. I don't know if I'll ever know the causes of particular moods.
Does any of this make sense to you?
Thanks again for writing.
Allison
poster:allisonm
thread:2042
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001031/msgs/2062.html