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Re: Who is better, male or female therapist?

Posted by Rzip on October 14, 2000, at 22:36:53

In reply to Re: Who is better, male or female therapist?, posted by mist on October 14, 2000, at 15:36:35

> I think a good therapist is someone who is stable. Usually that means ten-fifteen years of clinical experience. I have had only two therapists thus far. The first one is a "soft" male who I was able to manipulate very easy. The only goal I had for seeing him is to get him to write a letter for school for me. I did have a crush on him and establish a therapeutic relationship with him through. But I could tell that he is not a very good therapist because if I praise him, he responds to it. If I say something bad about him, he gets defensive. He is just like a normal person. But he had the right credentials and he came through for me in terms of school. He was a private practice clinician. Right now, I am seeing a "tough" female therapist in an academic setting. Let me tell you, it is a mental strain to have a session with her. I usually feel worse coming out than going in. Obviously, emotionally I am not too happy about that. But, my intellectual side tells me that she is a very good therapist. Mainly, she is not so hard to manipulate. You know, why do we have to manipulate the very people that is helping us? Hmm. Intellectually, it seems so counterproductive, but at that moment, it feels so right and natural. The mystery of the human mind. Like I said before, I think the best therapist is a stable one. I also have this theory that therapist in an academic setting is always better than those in the private practice. Therapists in the private practice gets a little spoiled and greedy after a while. I think someone should do some research on that.

Actually, my therapist works part-time in the academic setting (part of a government agency) and part-time as a private clinician. It would be interesting to find out how therapists practice differently under the two conditions. I mean afterall, it is a job to them.

In conclusion, if you really want to get your money worth and you are really willing to seek help, find a therapist that has at least ten-fifteen years of clinical experiences, works in an academic setting, and who is stable. Some tests of stability: purposely praise him/her or personally attack him/her during the first couple of sessions. Watch for signs of personal response from the therapist. A good therapist should only have one agenda and one agenda only during session: that is to help and support the needs of the client in an enlightening way such that the client can lead a productive and independent life as soon as possible. It is unfortunately that my therapist current fits that description, but I am just so damn resistant to admit that I have a problem. It would be easy to say that I have a problem just to please her, but for the life of me, I really do not feel that I have a problem. Isn't that twisted or what. Anyway, I better start studying, all my midterms are next week. If I do not do well in my schoolwork, I might as well forget about attending school. And then, I'll be depressed and slide down the tunnel to suicidal thoughts again.

Hopefully the bit about picking out the right therapist (minus my personal agenda) helps,
Rzip

No matter what, it's important that your therapist treat you with respect and kindness (especially for depressed people). There is no excuse for a therapist treating anyone with coldness or veiled put-downs designed to maintain control by the therapist. I think some therapists do this under the guise of being "tough." They're basically incredibly skill-less. In my opinion, male therapists are more likely to do that then female ones. Genuine warmth and appreciation of who the client is--their positive personal qualities--can be very healing, I suspect often more so than any amount of analyzing of the client's problems. Among other things, that type of approach helps to build self-esteem, creates trust, and makes dealing with negatives (in a skillfull and respectful way) easier.


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