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Re: communication is hard work! karen_kay

Posted by fleeting flutterby on June 18, 2008, at 13:57:55

In reply to communication is hard work! fleeting flutterby, posted by karen_kay on June 16, 2008, at 20:55:47

> and something i'm jsut not good at. i expect him to ask me 5 times 'what's wrong?' then i'll wait awhile and expect him to ask again. and again. and again. it's like i figure if only he'd have asked just one more time, i'd talk to him, but he never asks enough.
>
> i think i'm jsut weird. no, i know i'm weird, but i'm glorious too :) i'm just no good at relationships.<<

How about this....... (it's what I've tried very hard at doing-- with some recent success) Convince yourself that you're going to tell your husband what is wrong, the VERY FIRST time he asks..... it feels odd when you do this, being used to making the partner fish and fish-- but really it's a time saver and I think partner's patience level stays more in check.

With all due respect to all us women--- I think it's a game women play with men to see if their man really cares. testing to see how long they can stay focused on us while we keep them in the dark.....

dialog--husband "Is something wrong?"... wife- "No"..... "I can tell something is wrong, what is it?".... wife-- "nothing"..... "Come on, what's wrong?"....... wife--- "nothing, I don't want to talk"......... as she secretly hopes that husband will say some magic word so she can open up to him..... and husband feels he will be prying too much so he drops the subject.... to which wife feels rejected and un-cared for..... and husband is further in the dog house and confused! ;o)

It's quite the "gender dance". :o)

However, there are times when we really don't have the words to express what is wrong-- this is a different story then. I struggle with this quite a bit. I was denied feelings growing up and invalidated, so it's foreign and scary sometimes to express what I feel -- but with help it is improving too.

best to all

flutterby- mandy

 

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poster:fleeting flutterby thread:834909
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20071110/msgs/835264.html