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Re: when is it abuse? gazo

Posted by Kath on March 29, 2007, at 19:24:49

In reply to Re: when is it abuse? Happyflower, posted by gazo on March 23, 2007, at 21:05:52

Dear Gazo,

You know, in my opinion it doesn't even matter if it's abuse or not.

It sounds like you do NOT like being treated like this. That's all that really matters, in the end.

It does NOT sound like OK behaviour to me at all.

Love should not hurt.

I guess we have to decide what we are OK with as to how people talk to us and treat us.

In the following statements, "we all" can replace "you". This is what I believe:

You deserve safety

You deserve to be spoken to with respect

You deserve to be treated with respect

You deserve to be accepted as less than perfect

Those are some things that I believe are true.

Nobody is perfect & alot of us aren't easy to live with. That doesn't mean it's OK for people to be mean to us, or insult us, or blame us, or hurt us.

I am sorry that you feel you have to hide the situation from your family. If you were to stop hiding it from your family, would the results be hurtful for you?

I'm glad you spoke about this here. In my opinion, the answer to the questions is 'yes, all those things are abusive'. But OWC made an interesting point. You're the one to decide. It doesn't matter if anyone else says, 'no, I don't think it's abusive'. If YOU think it is - that's enough to mean that for you, it IS.

I am sorry about your disappointment about your therapist. When we're fed a steady diet of meanness, hurtfulness, criticism, etc, it's pretty easy to get swept off our feet emotionally when someone finally is kind, accepting, caring & 'there for us'. PLEASE don't beat yourself up.

love, Kath

 

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