Posted by Cici on July 8, 2006, at 15:45:01
In reply to addicted to male attention, posted by wildflower44 on March 9, 2006, at 23:48:23
Iíve had some painful experience in this area and I admire your insight at facing this as a problem. Most people canít do that until they are in crisis. It is the hardest part, so you already have one foot on the path to a fuller life.
It has been my experience that:
1) Women who need male attention to feel alive often have childhood issues with an unavailable father and a mother who still yearned for his attention or whose standard of living relied on his good opinion. These women are raised to believe that male regard is the only important thing, and losing it was the worst tragedy that ever befell them.
2) Women were sexually abused as children also tend to see their only value to others as sexual, and sexualize their encounters with others (both men and women.) Other women don't envy them so much as mistrust them. Other women may also be put off by if they sense that you do not find women as valuable or interesting as men.
3) If you can't relate to other women, it's hard to embrace your own female (non-sexual) worth.
4) As we age, society offers us a lot less sexual admiration (for women this declining attention is especially rapid), and there will always be someone younger and prettier, so it is vitally important to develop your self-esteem in multiple areas.
4) It's hard for an admiration addict to sustain a normal long-tem relationship. It's scary to put all your eggs in one basket, plus most real relationships pass beyond the "adoration" phase within the first year. At that point, or if there is any type of personal crisis before that, you may feel compelled to seek comfort in admiration from others and risk your relationship.
Relying on someone else to validate you, especially men you don't know well, is a sure road to emotional upset, and addiction to admiration is almost a guarantee for an unfulfilling life.
You need to get professional help to learn to love yourself and see your own value for ALL that you are. How will anyone else see it if you don't? Joining a women-only therapy group might be a good way for you to start.
Best of luck to you, Wildflower,