Posted by Partlycloudy on July 21, 2014, at 12:21:19
In reply to Not thinking rights, posted by Partlycloudy on July 18, 2014, at 16:22:30
Dancing helps. But sleep is hit or miss. I am tired of trying to tread water. I could care less if I ate, but if food is in front of me, it doesn't taste of much but I feed the machine.
I know so much of this is my situation. I came back from the extended period away from home to a brief honeymoon period. Phfft. That didn't last long. Tired of being the person working on change, working on making things better. Do I just shut up and accept this? Do I shut up and make my life happier in my own bubble - and is that what marriages are about? You find ways to fill the voids that aren't filled otherwise?
Animosity has fled. Just a hollow aching emptiness of reality staring at me. He won't do counselling again. Sobriety has meant that there's no escape (blackout) hatch, no slow suicide. That is much better in many ways, but the sadness sits and faces me. Sitting in the living room, TV on, both of us tapping on our tablets; that's our life. No conversation, none. Depression is a natural consequence.
Blah. Blech. Thank goodness for a life outside the house. I have one with the groups I go to. He rides his bicycle for hours every week. We are barely a couple. The way it is.
poster:Partlycloudy
thread:1068500
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20140702/msgs/1068637.html