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Re: Thanks, Phillipa

Posted by alexandra_k on June 26, 2014, at 0:58:07

In reply to Re: Thanks, Phillipa alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on June 26, 2014, at 0:06:56

i understand wanting to avoid pain. and i understand... shying away from a person who has caused pain.

i guess... i'm a bit hung up on the attribution. maybe this is what baseball is wondering too, i don't know.

i hear that he WAS concerned about you. traditional therapists... wouldn't have told you anything at all. wouldn't have told you where they went or why they went. certainly wouldn't have told you anything at all to the effect that they cared about you most-est, or whatever.

and of course i wouldn't last 5 minutes with a traditional therapist. i'd be a psychotic mess... i'd almost certainly punch them. one or two, or five or six times... or whatever. so... no arguments from me on that one, at all...

but he's not one to make up stories - yeah? and he told you... that he was concerned about you *in particular*. that in his distressed moment he was aware that he *didn't know what to do about you* he *didn't know what was appropriate for him to do*. he has decided that he should disclose this stuff to you (later). many therapists would advise him not to do this...

he... probably needed to take their advise. they didn't know you from a barge pole. they needed to decide whether it was more likely that he was right - that you needed something significantly different from the traditional line... clearly that bitch woman you talked to *did not get it at all*. my experience is that most mental health workers are cut from that very cloth. but, uh, what was he to do?

under the circumstances, what was he to do?

i guess i feel that, very strongly. while also feeling... how i felt when my therapist promised he'd email me a couple times after his wife had a baby (when it took a month off) and he didn't email me for three and a half weeks... and i got to thinking that his wife died or the baby died or both. or the baby was very sick or his wife was very sick. or the baby was horribly deformed or... and then it turned out he'd just been, uh, just the regular kind of 'busy'... so feeling... dropped. which isn't forgivable. only under the circumstances... understandable. but hurt me.

maybe that is it... i don't see why you don't think that his actions were understandable - given the circumstances. hurtful, yes. let you down. etc. but... given the circumstances... i don't see why you can't think that he did the best he could...

that... that is good enough.

perhaps it isn't. i think klein goes into that. something something about reality being too much to bear. trying your best doesn't f*ck*ng fix it.

i don't know ...




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