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Post therapy observations

Posted by Tabitha on April 30, 2014, at 15:48:39

I left therapy two years ago, after, what, 19 years? I was burnt out, not even sure it was helpful, we had some serious ideological differences, and frankly I didn't have the energy or cash flow to continue.

Looking back I think the main benefit I was getting was a safe container for my desperation. I'd go in there and moan and complain and fret for up to three hours, and not really feel better afterward. But I didn't need to burden my friends or loved ones with my stuff so much, having that other outlet. I felt I was doing them a favor by purchasing that service instead of trying to get it from them.

I wonder if complaining doesn't just increase to fill the available container space. So the more I have access to a cooperative listener, the more I complain. I'm not sure the act of complaining is, in itself, good for me.

I'm as desperate as ever, if not moreso. Now my desperation gets expressed in my journaling. In a way it's less frustrating than therapy because I don't expect anyone to make it better or in any way help me. It's just that I have a compulsion to put my pain and confusion into words.

I go to a peer support group. Most weeks everyone gets 4 minutes to talk. No feedback until the end, and then it's informal. I kind of cheat and try to relate whatever I'm struggling with to the group charter issue, while suspecting I'm off-topic and just trying to use this group for general-purpose support.

It's very different to have only 4 minutes, and to be just one person in a ring of other people who all get 4 minutes. I can't really say it a worse experience than going on for hours alone with a professional listener. Most of the group also have therapists. I think oh no, there you go. Paying someone umpteen dollars an hour to make you feel like your pain is meaningful and special. What a privilege. Or what a scam.

Looking back at the experience I mostly feel angry. I feel I was financially exploited. Desperate people like to have someone listen to them. There's no end to how much they'll go on and on about their desperation. Charge by the minute, and they'll keep coming back, spending money they need for their future. Hearing their own story kindles their desperation, convincing them more and more that, even if this doesn't actually improve things, they still need this container. To avoid splashing the desperation around where it's socially inappropriate or burdensome.

What do you guys think?

 

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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:Tabitha thread:1064984
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20140310/msgs/1064984.html