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Re: He's not dying baseball55

Posted by Willful on March 13, 2014, at 23:33:52

In reply to Re: He's not dying, posted by baseball55 on March 13, 2014, at 20:59:58

I have to disagree with you baseball55,

No matter how sick her T is, Dinah has the right also to take care of herself-- which involves expressing and working with the complexity and painfulness of many of her reactions. While it's great to send someone loving kindness-- and Dinah was saying many times that she did, too-- she was also saying that she had many other reactions, of needing to hear from him, of needing to feel that for these many years his caring had been real, that she mattered-- and that he was aware-- as a way of being there with her-- that it would be devastating for her that he needed suddenly to abandon her.

I"m not saying that a therapist can write personal notes to 20 patients when she or he is very sick-- but there can be a thoughtful and caring communication to those few, or one, who have put so much into the relationship.

And I don't think that Dinah is being selfish in this. I guess that's what you seem to be implying ( to me anyway). She does have the right to be angry and hurt, and disappointed-- and even to reject the relationship for a time. I hope she finds her way back to remembering the good things---for her sake- because they could be sustaining-- but I understand greatly why it's difficult if not almost impossible to find them right away.

We need to accept the complexity of her (and our) feelings, and the primal sense of abandonment that some people particularly feel devastating-- leaving only the loved person's absence.

I 'm sure you were trying to point the way to something that could bring some relief-- but also no one can put a time-limit on someone else's working through of feelings of grief and loss.





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