Posted by Wittgensteinz on September 22, 2012, at 12:38:16
In reply to Re: ...in response to original question » annierose, posted by Twinleaf on September 9, 2012, at 10:09:23
I was very pleased to read your update on how well you have done with your current therapist. It sounds like I'm in a similar place.
When I started therapy 5.5 years ago I was a big mess - very depressed, suicidal, anxious, hopeless. I wouldn't say I had 'instant' relief from the therapy because things were dug up that caused me a great deal of pain and stress. A year into the therapy I attempted suicide and nearly succeeded. I'm glad he stood by me through that. Being able to trust him was an ongoing struggle that lasted for years. Even a year ago I could never have imagined I would feel as I do now. I've recently moved 3 hours away from where I used to live in order to pursue a research program in cognitive and clinical neuroscience (I travel back in the weekend to stay with my partner). The weird thing is that my therapist and I have never really discussed 'ending', although that is effectively what has happened and yet it feels like the most natural of things. I go and have a session with him when I can, which is not as often as it used to be (twice this month) - I'm always welcome and can phone or write should I need to (although I can't remember the last time that was). It feels warm and safe yet without any neediness or dependence.
I've gained so much from this experience - I feel enormously grateful that I entered into this process with such a kind, dignified and humble human being. I feel more human, more me. I'm not perfect but I'm good enough. I'll continue to visit for sessions every now and again and I expect even after that we will keep in touch in one form or another. I've learned how to trust and how to feel safe and confident in myself. I'm still stubborn and highly perfectionistic - those are things that will always be and to some extent they define me.
I wouldn't have wanted it any different - psychoanalytic psychotherapy was the right therapy for me, and in particular with the therapist I fortuitously ended up with. Who knows, one day I might be sitting on the other side... who knows.
I hope you are all doing well - or as well as possible.