Posted by Dinah on May 12, 2012, at 15:38:26
In reply to Re: On a slightly different note, posted by Tabitha on May 12, 2012, at 2:27:27
You're right. I think her bulldozer mentality has caused her grief in a life where it wasn't really expected in women. Although I must confess that Mormon women are some of the strongest I know. Or perhaps some of the strongest women I know are Mormon women. My mother is definitely a descendent of the pioneers who crossed the plains and hewed farms out of the desert and wilderness. I do admire it. In fact, I have a little dog right now who also is unbelievably willful. I find it charming in her, although it's admittedly far easier to pick her up and put her in a crate when she attacks someone.
I think the problem is that she couples it with... Hmmm... I was reading an Agatha Christie book the other day. Miss Marple describes the first victim as someone who has no idea how what they do affects other people. That she was someone who always saw things from her own point of view. She even went on to say that it had nothing to do with lack of generosity or unkindness. That the woman would likely have been very generous to others with her time and services. I must confess it described my mother perfectly. She *is* enormously generous with others. My mother is a person of extremes. There's a lot to admire as well.
Your mother must have been more an enthusiastic manipulator than a skilled one, if you were that aware and resentful at it. The very best manipulators leave their victims happy. I'm thinking of it from a DBT perspective. And of course I come from the South, where an indirect wielding of power was considered more feminine for a long time. Though Southern women were also fairly strong.
For myself, I'm an ostrich. I spend my life hiding my head and forgetting trouble as much as I can. I have periods of standing my ground, but I can't maintain it consistently for any length of time.