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Re: Parents won't leave me alone even though I'm 21. davey91

Posted by Dinah on May 7, 2012, at 9:04:21

In reply to Parents won't leave me alone even though I'm 21., posted by davey91 on May 5, 2012, at 6:14:41

Sleepygirl is right. At least you usually don't have to live with your mom.

How much power do you have? The ability to draw boundaries depends a lot on that. For example, you could change your cell phone number, but that likely wouldn't work if your parents are paying for it. Do they pay for your college? Are you still dependent on them?

If so, then eventually you won't be. This will pass and you will be able to be independent once you graduate and get a job.

Either way, perhaps there are some ways to draw healthy boundaries. My parents understood that some topics would result in my politely hanging up or leaving. I followed through, but I didn't do it in an angry manner. More along the lines of "I'm sorry, but I am afraid I'm going to have to hang up if you keep mentioning.... It is really upsetting to me." No anger, no arguing. The odd thing was that with this in place, the remainder of our conversations were far more pleasant. I was no longer afraid to talk with them, because I realized I wasn't helpless.

This worked with my family, and it might not work with yours. I don't know the situation and I don't know your family.

 

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