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Re: My mother is a hoarder 64bowtie

Posted by Dinah on May 1, 2012, at 8:56:27

In reply to Re: My mother is a hoarder, posted by 64bowtie on May 1, 2012, at 5:09:15

I've tried to say these things to my mother. But she's not willing to talk about it. She'll hang up or yell or tune me out.

I think one reason I'm angry is that I remember the beginning of hoarding newspapers. She always saved the food section for recipes, although my father was the one who actually cooked. But during the Mondale/Reagan election she refused to let anyone throw out any newspaper because she wanted to read the editorials. After the elections, we made the mistake of celebrating that we could now throw out those newspapers. She got angry, yelled and screamed, and never willingly disposed of another newspaper. She'd pull out the classified section to use under the dog, maybe. There was no suggestion that she would ever read them. There's something so willful and angry and aggressive about that.

I really think the kicker for me was when my father was dying. He was having trouble falling out of bed, and the medics would have to come help him. The people from Hospice were planning to bring him a hospital bed and my mother, I kid you not, screeched at the social worker that she would not have a hospital bed cluttering up her house. (The house that at that time only had a few rooms that weren't cluttered because my father insisted on it. Now there's just a narrow walkway from room to room.) She also opposed hiring anyone to help him, saying they couldn't afford it. Despite having just purchased an expensive car that she's still paying back over seven years later because she sure didn't have the money for that. My father was taken into protective custody until she made the required changes.

It broke something in our relationship that I'm not sure can be fixed. I'd like it to be, but...




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