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I don't g_g_g_unit

Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2012, at 10:26:22

In reply to 'Who doesn't want to kill the father?', posted by g_g_g_unit on February 25, 2012, at 7:53:55

I'd give anything for Daddy to be alive. I miss him every day of my life. He was difficult and demanding at times. But I adored him, and I suspect he adored me. Though he'd never admit it, I'm sure.

I have a difficult mother, and do find myself avoiding her.

I would suggest that you consider your life were you to move out, and your life were you to stay. Which one is more appealing? If it's more appealing to leave, then leave. If the financial deprivation would be worse than the emotional distress, then you'll need to stay and make the most of it. I think adult children living at home is easy only in the most ideal of circumstances. There must be hormones at play. I don't think I could live with my mother ever again.

If you do stay, it's pragmatic to consider how to make your life at home more palatable. What works with your father? I have a boss who's been unpleasant with most people in our office, but not with me. I'm not entirely sure of the reason, but I think it's because I cried once. This just may be what works with him. Or perhaps it's because I occasionally out-argue him. My mother nearly always quickly disengages when I bring up money or responsibilities. I don't consciously use that when I can't take anymore, but my husband sees a pattern.

In this particular case, with disability a month away, it seems like answering him wouldn't be that difficult. Would he be willing to get corroboration from your therapist?

Your father doesn't sound like anyone's notion of a good father. But you can't change him. You just need to figure out whether it's best for you to continue to utilize his resources and put up with him, or to refuse his resources and leave. Whichever you decide, you might find empowerment in the thought that it is your choice. And that the choice you made is the best one offered at the moment.

My husband is nowhere near like your father. But I think he'd be the first to admit he uses his disapproval to keep my son and me from descending into chaos. I think that's really how he sees it. If he doesn't control us, God knows what will happen. It's wearing at times. My husband is by no means abusive. It's all very mild. So mild that it would be hard to explain exactly what he's doing. And I love my husband and find him delightful in most ways. But the theory is the same. He's not going to change. I have to find a way to live with it.




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